Fighting For What's Missing

17.

Agnes

"I don't understand," I tell William. We've just returned from shopping, yet he and Mrs. Granger are leaving again. "Why can't you stay?" I don't mean to be rude, but Mrs. Granger can go by herself.

"I'll only be gone for half an hour." William's kneeling in front of me, talking softly so I won't explode. But I want to. I'm ready to explode. "You can stay with Gloria. Get to know her on your own."

"William-"

"Agnes," he breathes. I can sense he's getting annoyed. "Stay here."

"Why are you leaving if you leave tomorrow?"

His eyes slightly widen. "Is that's what bothering?" I nod. "Agnes-" He tucks my hair behind my ears before taking my face between his hands "-I'll be back as soon as I can. I will always come back for you."

I slightly shrug. "Okay."

There's a pause then he exhales deeply, dropping his hands from my face. "I'll be right back." He kisses my forehead and stands up. Suddenly Gloria's at my side and together we watch Mrs. Granger and William leave. I feel like I just got kicked in the back of my head.

"I'm hungry," I lie. My stomach isn't empty or growling to be filled, but I feel empty and my mind that's on autopilot is telling me to fill up on food. Without one glance or word towards Gloria, I turn, drag my feet to the kitchen and eat.

William

I can't help but wonder if I'm doing the right thing-it seems like that's all I do lately. Agnes needs a mother and father, and there are parents out there who need a child. I know things went to shit in Agnes' last foster home; she ended up in the hospital with a sprained finger and a concussion. But there has to be a safe home somewhere for Agnes. I don't care how long it takes, I can find her that home.

I'm not enough to take care of Agnes.

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" I don't mean to ask but the words fall from my lips. I wince, gripping the steering wheel to the point my knuckles turn ghost white and turn to look at Tisha. "Do you?"

Tisha had clearly heard me, her surprise experience gives her away. She slightly shakes her head. "No."

"How do you know?" I don't mean to press.

"Look where you are, Will," she says and I do; I glance around at the small town as I slowly drive through it "I don't think you hesitated to come here," she continues, "it's a big move, even if it's for a day or two, and I haven't made it easy on you." There's an awkward pause. Does she think I'm going to argue with her? I nearly burst out laughing at the thought. "Anyway, back to what I was saying, you did it for that sweet little girl. When she needed you, you were there, and I'll say that's the right thing."

"She needs a mother," I argue. "Someone that can help her with things I can't."

"She needs you, William."

I decided to end the conversation there for two reasons; first, the way she said my name reminded me too much of Agnes and I watch to keep her and Tisha as separated as possible, and second, we arrived at the toy store.

Entering the small store, my feet automatically take control; they lead me to the back of the store where the large stuffed animals rest perfectly on the shelves. My eyes dart to the tigers in the corner. There are four; three orange and one white. Agnes loves tigers, but which one would she love the most? The white one or orange one? I walk over to the corner and stare up at them like they're the world's hardest math problems.

The white one has blue eyes, reminding me of Agnes, and its stripes are different from the others. It has blue eyes, it's the only white tiger in the hold store and it's different; it's perfect for Agnes. I reach up and grab the tiger. It's bigger than I thought, bigger than Agnes.

"Let's go," I tell Tisha, who's standing there, watching me with a grin and creeping me out.

"That's it? I can afford more."

"It's not that," I snap, "we get it, you have money. But Agnes doesn't want us to go crazy for her birthday. The tiger's enough."

She looks at me hard, like she wants to say something, then unexpectedly spins on the balls of her feet and walks away. I follow her down the aisle. She stops suddenly-I nearly bumped into her and dropped the tiger-and scans the shelves for a toy. I swallow my rage. Is she fucking serious?

"This!" She grabs something out of my POV. "Agnes seems to like the planet." She half turns to me, holding up a journal to me. There's a pale-pinkish Saturn on the cover, the tinier versions of the other planets seem to be orbiting it like Saturn's the center of space. I smile, my rage vanishing, Agnes does love Saturn.

"Alright," I breathe.

*******

I got the Tiger wrapped up, the damn thing cost extra which is fucking ridiculous, but worth it, and Tisha put her gift in a bag. Because we were in the store for less than five minutes, we were only gone for fifteen minutes.

Tisha parks in the driveway, close to the house. We climb out of the car when- "Will!" Agnes' voice travels through the air. I look up to see Agnes and Gloria, standing on the porch.

"Wait right there!" I don't want her running down the steps and breaking something. Agnes nods, and I open the door to the backseat and pull out the wrapped-up Tiger. I hope she doesn't fight me on this. Agnes is a good kid and deserves a gift, especially for her birthday.

My wishful thinking was useless; Agnes' angrily flushed as I approach her with her gift in my hands. "There's only two," I assure her.

"Are they both that big?" She mumbles through her teeth. How can a kid hate gifts so much?

"No...listen, I'll make a deal with you-" I place the gift under my left arm "-if you don't like it, I'll return it." I can't return it, but I can hide it until she wants it again.

"Both of them?"

"No, just mine. The other one is from Tisha. So, do we have a deal?"

Agnes' eyes dart and tighten on her gift under my arm. Her gaze is so intense, I'm waiting for the Tiger to burst in flames. "Mm!" She nods firmly, her lips pressed into a thin line.

"Let's open it inside." I climb the steps and when I reach the top, I grab Agnes' hand.

What is it? Gloria mouths to me.

I smile at her then mouth back, Tiger. Tisha, Gloria, and I settle on the couch around Agnes. I ask Agnes to open Tisha's gift first. She makes a shy face but agrees.

In the corner of my eye, I see Agnes' hands clench then unclench. I kiss the top of her head, wrap my arm around her and hold open the bag for her. She pulls out the journal- "Mrs. Granger," she gasps. "Thank you!"

"Tisha's fine, love," Tisha chuckles.

Agnes' face brightness... it's contagious; my cheeks start to hurt from smiling too hard but welcome the pain.

"I love it," Agnes says softly as she presses the book to her chest.

"Ready for my gift?" I ask, and she nods. "Happy Birthday, Agnes." I place the Tiger on her lap and because of its size, it covers her completely, and Tisha and Gloria giggles.

Agnes excitedly tears off a piece of wrapping paper, exposing a few stripes, then freezes. We all freeze. The expression on her tiny face is blank, dull, the opposite of what I was expecting-the opposite of what I wanted. I want her to be-why isn't she happy? Can I at least get a smile?

"WILLIAM!" She jumps into my arm. "I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! THANK YOU SO MUCH!" My ears are ringing from her yelling.

"You didn't open all of it yet," I chuckle.

"RIGHT!" She jumps off me and rips off the rest of the wrapping paper in one tear. It's impressive as hell.