Clusterfuck

xvii

Toby and Reggie are sitting at the table, not talking and not looking at each other. Toby is ready to jump out of a window while anticipating some kind of reaction—literally anything—but all Reggie's doing is bouncing his leg and staring down at the glass surface.

Unfortunately, they still happen to live on the first floor.

"Are you okay?" Toby asks meekly, distancing himself as inconspicuously as he can just in case Reg feels like beating him to a pulp. Not that Toby thinks he would—he's never seen Reggie lay a finger on anyone—but, you know. This is a special occasion of sorts, isn't it?

"Are you really gay?" Reggie says, still not meeting Toby's eyes.

Ah, yes. Stage one. Denial.

"Yes," Toby sighs, leaning back in his chair. "I am."

"How long have you—you know."

"Been gay?" Toby almost scoffs. "Forever, dude."

"No, that's not—I meant, how long have you been waiting to tell me?"

Toby raises his eyebrows. Reggie's finally picked his head up.

"Um." Toby scratches a nonexistent itch on the back of his neck. "I dunno. I—I guess since we met. I mean, since we'd be living together, I knew it would have to happen, at some point."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"B-because, I didn't—I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it. I was worried you'd... you know. Not... wanna be friends with me anymore."

"Dude," Reggie mumbles. "I know I can be a douchebag sometimes, but I'm not a complete asshole. I don't care who you like." He pauses. "Just as long as it isn't my girlfriend."

Everything is suddenly lighter, the air is breathable, a significant weight no longer presses down on Toby's chest. It's okay. It's okay. Everything is okay.

"Oh, God," Toby sighs, rubbing his face. "You have no idea how relieved I am right now."

"I've always got your back, man." Reg cocks a half smile in Toby's direction, but it diminishes after a second or two. "I'm... sorry about all that. Before. 'S fucking embarrassing."

"No, it's—I get it. I would be pissed, too."

"Just—could you—I still kinda want some things to be cleared up," Reggie says, drumming on the table with his index and middle finger. "About what's been going on. With the two of you."

"Yeah. Sure." Toby has no secrets anymore. It feels fucking great.

Reg sighs. "So... last time Vicki was over. Tuesday, I think? I was in the shower, right?" Toby nods. "So, I got out, and I heard you two talking, and—I know I shouldn't have eavesdropped. But I was already feeling a bit paranoid, and dumb, but—anyway. I mean. I heard you say something about that party at Jordan's. And how 'we' were in that closet. And how you felt guilty, and didn't... didn't wanna tell me. Because you thought I'd get mad. Or something."

Toby's mouth falls open. "Oh. No, that wasn't—I wasn't talking about Vicki. I was... it was..." He takes a breath. "I was in there with someone—a guy—and basically found out, like, two days later, that he had—has—a girlfriend. So. I was only talking to Vicki because she... I guess 'cause she was just there, and volunteered to listen. But that was it. The only reason I didn't tell you, was... I mean. You know."

"You were worried about coming out. Okay." Reg rubs a hand over his eyes. "Yeah. That makes—that makes sense."

Toby manages a closed-mouth smile. "Anything else?"