Is That What You Wanted? (Ao no Exorcist )

~Chapter 7~

Hey, I know it's been a while, I saw more and more people were adding this story to their libraries and couldn't help but write this chapter faster. Please enjoy and if you find any grammar mistakes do not hesitate to tell me!

TW: safe

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Rin's POV:

Everything is dark and I can't seem to be able to move my body. The only thing I could feel is the cold air surrounding me along with the feeling of loneliness since I was alone. That is until I could feel the texture of the bedsheet I was lying on but that something didn't feel right. This is when I realized. A sudden rush made me open up my eyes fast and the sound of the monitors made my ears ring. I stared at the ceiling feeling my heart beat uncontrollably, ' no, no this can't be ' this is when I remembered what fully happened. My anxiety was taking over making me lose it but I didn't do anything, I just stared at the ceiling with a shocked face lying on the hospital bed, it felt as if somebody paralyzed me or either tied me up. Cold sweat started to flow down my body and the silence was so loud I just wanted to scream. I wanted this to end, all I wanted was to be in peace, I wanted to sleep forever so I can't think anymore. I don't want to remember these awful memories, the guilt that was eating me from inside, the anger swallowing me little by little. I want it to stop!

Rin has been like that for at least half an hour. That's until steps could be heard louder and louder. Then they stopped... It was Yukio, standing at the front of this room coming to visit him, he stopped there for a minute to realize. That's when he knew, Rin was alive! I mean he is but, now he is awake and there is nothing to worry about anymore. With excitement and full of happiness, Yukio stepped out of the room and informed the nurses and went straight back in. He ran to his brother's bed and hugged him softly trying not to hurt him, '' Rin! You're awake! '' tears could be seen in Yukio's eyes. Despite his cheerful attitude Rin didn't respond to any of that, he just stared at the ceiling with empty eyes. The thought that he is alive already gave him a headache, he knew what's gonna happen. As soon as he gets better he will have to visit a stupid therapist and then continue his normal life being useless, but he didn't want any of that. All he wished for was to be dead, a way of escaping this plain and lonely life. Nothing special even happened, people would just stare at him gossiping and then he would go home, cut and sleep. Meaningless repentance he thought.

'' Rin? are you listening? '' this is when Rin snapped out of it and shook his head '' Ah Yukio... Good to see you... I guess '' he said in a monotone empty voice. What the fuck was that!? Rin thought 'good to see you?' then fuck am I saying again?! Yukio was too happy to realize what kind of nonsense Rin was mumbling.

After a few minutes, the doctor came by along with a nurse to check on him. After a week Rin had now fully recovered ready to continue that plain life of his. Yukio made him visit a therapist once or twice a week and everything was back to normal, kinda normal.

His classmates knew about what happened, Yukio had told them about the incident and them to be easy on Rin when he comes back. Shiemi was in tears when she first saw him and hugged him saying how sorry she was. Izumo and Shima just welcomed him back and Ban with Konekomaru completely ignored him. But Rin didn't care at all, he just stared at them with an empty face without saying anything. He didn't need their 'pity' or an apology, what was he? Five? The reason he tried to kill himself wasn't only because people were mean to him. He hated when he made mistakes, he hated every inch of it! He couldn't handle it, it just drove him insane and then guilt eating him whole made it even worse. He knew that he didn't kill his father but Yukio said otherwise, he even forgot what was true and what was not and on top of that it was anxiety that made everything worse.

One pill down

After some visits with his therapist, they told him it would be better for him to take antidepressants, which made him feel worse. Not only were the pills not working but he felt like a burden. If he had succeeded in killing himself, Yukio wouldn't have had to pay for all of this. A weight on his back.

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Nothing really happened in this chapter I know, I try to update but with the school on the line, it makes it a bit difficult. I will release the next chapter sooner since I am looking forward to starting other books, so don't worry about slow updates!