Warring Logics *COMPLETE* (Book 1 of The Institute of Fantasiological Studies)

The one where she dreads (Chapter 30)

I press send on my email. Finally sending Tobias the outline of my second paper, "Warring Logics: how vampire covens use institutional logics to avoid acknowledging pain"

It's a draft title, but I like it.

I came up with it after barely sleeping for three days straight after my interview with von Graf. At first, it was the trauma, trying to make sense of von Graf and his actions. He just didn't make sense. Then I listened to the recorder again. Albert had fished it for me the next day from von Graf's desk. And I listened to it, again and again. I heard his grief; I heard the sadness in his voice, the longing.

Then I poured through the academic literature trying to find something, anything that would help me understand why von Graf and his coven members are telling me different things. It was easier to focus on that than other things... But in the end, it was simple. The coven members were constructing institutional logics, or beliefs and practices, which justified the actions of their primus without acknowledging the true reason for his actions.

At least that was my idea.

I stand, brushing the imaginary crumbs off of my little plain black dress. I dressed up today; it might be a happy occasion, maybe.

It's time. I sent my outline off at the last minute. Who knows if I will even come back?

I mean, probably, but there is that risk.

I step out into my living room where Albert and Lisa have been waiting for me. I could hear their quiet hisses at each other through my bedroom door. It's safe to say they are not friends.

"Ready?" Lisa asks standing next to the door. She doesn't smile.

I look over to Albert who leans against the far wall, his arms crossed and a deep frown on his face. We've argued time again over the past week over my decision. But I'm sticking with it- even if it's just to end this stalemate.

I grab my purse and head for the door.

Numb, I'm just numb. I don't want to do this, but I have to- I can't give up on true love without trying.

Lisa leads the way out of my apartment and down the stairs to a black car. It's late in the day, the sun is slowly setting and the city lights are slowly turning on bathing everything a yellow glow.

I pull a mask out of my purse and cover my nose and mouth even though none of the vampires around me can catch covid, but it's a habit now I guess. I run my finger along the edge of my mask, maybe I won't have to wear it again after tonight.

Lisa opens the door back door for me and I slide in. Albert goes around to the other side and slides in beside me as Lisa climbs into the passenger seat. The strange vampire in the driver's seat says something to Lisa before he turns on the car, but I'm not listening or even acknowledging what is going on around me. I stare out the window, wondering how I got here.

And then we are moving.

We have to drive through the city to get to our destination and a sense of dread creeps up with every stoplight. I dig my nails into my palms and the pain grounds me. I hope I am making the right choice...

A hand reaches out and touches mine. I turn away from the window to look at it.

Albert has reached over to touch my hand. "Once you do this, there is no going back" the disappointment that I have grown so accustomed to over the past few days remains on his face, "he will control you."

He knows I know that. He told me many times over the past few days since I announced my decision. So despite my deep misgivings, his words of caution remind me of why I had to do it. I couldn't wait forever, I would grow old and I still wouldn't know which one was my beloved unless I let one of them bite me. Waiting wasn't bringing me any closer.

Lisa hisses from the front of the car, "leave her alone, asshole, it's decided"

Albert replies in German. I don't catch it, but I can guess based on his tone.

The car falls silent again. I'm not sure that's any better than the arguing.

We pull up in front of the Weiß coven and we file out. I look up the old-style brick building, it looks more daunting than I remember. Did they change the landscaping or something?

"I'll be waiting outside," Albert says to no one in particular and everyone at the same time. It's kind of him, but we both know there is nothing he can do if this goes wrong.

I lick my lips and walk forward. One step, then another, my small heels catching between the stone of the walkway.

I made my decision and I will stick with it.

A creek and then light floods the front porch for a moment before it returns to the growing gray of dusk.

Max stands tall on the porch, dressed in comfortable clothing, beaming happily. I approach him walking slowly up the small wooden steps to the porch.

"My love" I swallow a frown at his words, "I'm so glad you've come"

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Happy reading!

Heather