It feels like walking a bridge through the clouds. No beginning, no end. No indication where it started or how long it will take to reach the other side.
Conversion therapy was banned not too long ago in Canada, so the general public (or at least, those bordering on criminality) find other ways to abuse gay men. Technology helps. I want you to imagine that every time you put your hand on your genitals, I make sure someone or something is there to watch you. I make sure you know, too. I spread you across the internet so far and wide that underage children on lunch break feel comfortable approaching you in public. You have to keep a straight face while ordering a cheeseburger which you'll take back to the homeless shelter while four young teens giggle to each other about your cock, any kinks you may have participated in, while rationalizing how your sex life justifies your rape.
I used to like the way men felt. Smelled. It made me feel happy, alive, safe. Now, whenever the chance presents itself, I have to take for granted that someone is (once again) offering them a share of the proceeds if they videotape us fucking, or send back any nudes received to my 'handlers'--while they continue running my rape as though it's a social experiment.
Only, since most people are stupid, they don't realize I'm not the guinea pig--they are.
Picture it from their perspective.
If you need me to hold your hand, I'll walk you through it.
------------------------------
"How's it coming, agent?"
One man slides another man a phone, which he opens to review progress notes. He reads them aloud,
"'The last phase has been a tremendous success; the subjects are cooperating as projected, and are now celebrating Jacob's impending doctor-assisted suicide. The government's decision to delay MAID for mental health to 2027 has assisted us greatly, providing an extra three years to see how far the average audience member will go to extract pleasure from the isolation, poverty, and rape of the subject. So far, we've succeeded in having Jacob's family, friends, and strangers participate--men and women, with children being the most recent spectators. Despite the majority of our research constituting a major, targeted sex crime we've not only convinced the guinea pigs that he is a predator but also published these articles in spaces readily visible to minors. So far, in addition to two bouts of drugging and gangrape, he's been monitored in the majority of apartment complexes; homeless shelters; and condominiums thanks to our outreach. Finding neighbors, especially those who self-identify as good people, to keep an eye on him has been easy. The unqualified speculation of audience members--our guinea pigs--has produced a far greater amount of slander than we could have hoped to on our own.'
"'Given that most people have a cursory example of psychology, usually obtained through social media articles meant for light reading, the armchair diagnoses rendered by those who smear his name include (but are not limited to): schizophrenia, drug-induced psychosis; borderline personality disorder; various sexual addictions, and the like. Had we simply declared that he was the next Ed Gein or similar, it wouldn't have been believable. Still, the combined efforts of our volunteers to selectively document segments of his conversations, old pornographic photos, and similar material have done wonders in establishing that profile without us having to fully outline it. The guinea pigs have done a remarkable job at satisfying their sexual desires and violent urges by keeping him in a sort of social quarantine, and it's worth noting that the employment of wounded women and confused children has been instrumental to this goal.'
"'Despite the well-known fact among law enforcement, psychological professionals, and other leading figures that men are sexually abused just as often as women when statistics gathered from prison are included, most civilians are unwilling to acknowledge this (until their fantasies of seeing Jacob raped and murdered in prison are brought forth, which so far, is the most likely outcome in our volunteers' collective opinion.) The leaking of his BDSM nudes were also key to reaching this phase of the operation; when his former sexual partner, Devonte, blamed Jacob for the leaks, the last message Jacob has received from Devonte was that he'd lost his position in university and was going to end his life.'
