Do I Still Love Her? (Lesbian Story)

Chapter Six

Alice's P.o.v

After staying up all night in Misty's dorm I came to the conclusion that it would be best to be straight forward and go right to Willa asking her why she kissed me. Misty lent me some of her clothes and offered her dorm as a getaway place since I'd probably be doing my best to make sure not to have to go back to me and Madison's room. I walked over to Willa's dorm on the other side of campus (after being informed by Misty on how to get there). I knocked. Waited. Knocked again. Waited. Lifted my arm to knock and

"Hello?" Willa said, swinging the dorm open. "Oh. Alice." Pause. "Alice! Where did you go? I looked everywhere for you.

"Willa we need to talk. Your dorm mate in?" I asked.

"Oh no, she hardly ever is." I walked in and sat down on the bed I figured was her dorm mates. She sat on her own and looked over at me. "So...

"So we need to talk. About that kiss."

"Figured that's why you came over." Willa said with a slight sigh.

"Yeah. Just... why?"

"Why?"

"Why'd you do it?"

"Oh." She looked down and bit her lip. "Not sure how- or what to say."

"Just say exactly what's on your mind."

"I think... I think I'm still in love with you. And it's really hard to say that because I still love Madison so much. But I don't know. I don't know who I love more, her or you. I realize that it was me that ended us but I just... I'm not over it I guess."

"You need to be. You've got to be. Willa I will always love you, it's too hard not to, but I'm with Jamie now. And I love her like you love Madison. So you go to Madison and you love her, not me. Willa I can't be around you anymore. I came here to tell you that. We can't be 'just friends' because we will always have something beyond that. I'm sorry." I stood up and glanced down at her. She had a tear running down her cheek.

I walked over to the door and as my hand hit the handle I heard, "Goodbye, Alice. I won't stop loving you, but I'll let you go."

I opened the door and walked out. I felt all choked up and I had a tears running down my cheeks. What she said before I left... that was enough to break my heart. Without thinking I walked to my dorm. When I sat down on my bed I realized how grateful I was that Madison wasn't there.

After a few minutes of letting the tears silently fall there was a knock on the door. I opened it and Jamie was standing there with a smile that dropped immediately when she saw the condition I was in.

"Oh god Alice what's wrong?" Jamie asked in her concerned voice. I shut my eyes tight and let out a sort of sob. She pulled me into a hug and I cried against her and repeatedly said how sorry I was.

"Alice what happened? Why are you 'so sorry'?"

"We haven't even been dating for very long but I've loved you long before now just not like this and oh my god I'm so sorry Jamie!"

"Alice?"

"I cheated! Already. I didn't... I didn't want it to happen. She just did it and I- I promise you I didn't want for her to. I'm sorry J."

"Alice who- what- please explain."

"Willa kissed me. She came over to the dorm to see Madison but she wasn't there. She asked me about the antidepressant and I snapped at her and told her. I ran off and she followed after me. I was yelling at her and it was all so much emotion and I turned to go and she grabbed my wrist and tugged me around and she... kissed me."

"Alice, honey, that wasn't your fault. That wasn't you cheating. That was her cheating on her girlfriend but not you cheating on me. But Alice, how emotional you were over that, not to mention that I came in here with you crying, I've got to ask. Are you sure you're over her?"

Silence.

A tear rolled down Jamie's cheek and she spoke up. "Alice I love you. I've loved you since I met you. And it felt amazing for you to love me back but..."

" No... Please don't..."

"You aren't meant for me. You're not mine. And you never will be. I know you love me and we could be together but it wouldn't be true love. I thought you were my true love but you're hers and you will always be. I'd love to stay your friend though."

"What if I prove to you that I'm over Willa? Maybe then we could-"

"No Alice. We can't. You don't love me like I love you. You love me as a friend, and that's still great, but you don't love me like you love Willa. I met you when you were at rock bottom, crying over some girl I didn't know. And now you're there again. Maybe there is less therapists and not so much Lizzy hovering over you, but it's the same as before. You love her and her loving but not loving you is causing you so much pain. I can't be the person you go to to try and get her off your mind. Not like that. We can go back to our old movie nights but not... not that."

I lowered my head and let my hair fall in front of my face. The tears were still streaming as she got up and left the dorm room.