Our Little Deadly Secret

Is it Real Love?

At the end of the day, after study hall, I left my now official boyfriend to head over to Maac's classroom for my daily tutoring lesson since my parents are still adamant about me getting the help I need to pass his class. Especially since I spend the past 7 school days skipping to stay home as a depressed child. Which sucked cause I'd rather spend time with Ryan than study. I mean... if I have questions I can always work with Ryan on how to solve them.

But I walked away from my locker where I had left Ryan and went strait back into Maac's class to find Maac all quiet and standoffish. Which was not like him at all. Even during study hall, me never once talked to me. Nothing.

I walked over and around his desk and sat in the spare chair that hid right next to him. Not even a second after I sat down next to him,k he immediately turned his back to me, focusing on his computer.

"Okay... this is not like you so what's going on?" I questioned all concerned.

"Get out your homework. Let's get it done."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Homework."

"No."

He looked away from his computer and directly at me with slight annoyance in his demeanour at the fact I just told him no. I crossed my arms, propping my legs on the chair, cross-cross applesauce.

"Now."

"Not till you tell me what's going on. And why you, out of nowhere, started acting like I didn't even exists. Like what the hell!"

"It's none of your business"

"Actually, it is. Cause you and I both know how close we are... in the friendship out of school sense. And you know I can tell when you're lying just like you can tell when I am. And you're lying right now. So cough it up or I'm out the door and I won't ever talk to you again and I'll switch homerooms and math classes."

"You do know I'm the only one who offers all the AP math classes... right?"

"Come on..! Just tell me! How hard is that?"

"There's nothing to tell you. What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth and nothing but the truth, Daniel!"

He sighed, putting down his pen before turning his chair to me.

"Fine. We will talk then. But I'm first starting off with asking what the hell was going on in your brain to run off on me like that the day you locked yourself in the basement? Like I get that you were upset with the way I handled the whole thing before hand, and I was trying to apologise about it, but you go and shut me out only to then run off."

"I mean... I didn't actually run off."

"Then where did you go?"

I paused, looking down at the floor because o know the answer to that question not only still stung me from the memories of the conversation, but I also knew it would not only shock Maac, but also disappoint him I. The choice I made.

"To... see Noah."

I carefully looked up at him to see a frown come across his face. It wasn't of disapproval, but of shock that it even happened.

"How did that go?"

"Worse than I thought. Hence why I stayed home. Everything that I thought I had let go of ...all the feeling I thought I had no more of for him came swarming back. I thought seeing him would maybe help. But apparently not."

"So you thought starting a relationship with a boy you've met a little under a month ago would help heal the wounds?"

"No..! I know it won't..." I stuttered.

""That's a lie," Maac called out, making me turn pale.

"With what proof?"

"The fact that literally a week ago, you were still in love with a boy who literally cheated on you. And now you're actin like you're actually head over heels in love with a boy who you hardly know? It doesn't work that way. That's not real love."

"And how would you know that? How would you know if love is real or not?" I stood up, towering over him in the moment. How dare he question my intentions with Ryan

He was silent for a couple minutes, thinking hard. Not on an answer to his question, but how to word it. Or so I thought.

Cause what he said next was not what I thought he would say.

"Because I've been madly in love with someone. And knew that it was true love. Because true love is special. It's not just dreaming about them every night or thinking about them every minute of the day. It's way more than that. When they hurt, you hurt more. When they're happy, you can't contain your joy in front of everyone. It's seeing them sleep the weirdest positions and finding their random snores when they're clogged up from allergies the most beautiful thing ever.

"It's knowing that if they were to ever leave you for whatever reason, you would not only do everything in your power to keep them by your side, but you would literally die for them. You would go the extra ten miles to make their day a little bit better instead of the one that most do. It the smallest things you do for them that you know mean a lot to them, but you do it every single chance you can for them. Multiple time during a day of it really came down to it.

"The thing is, yes. I was madly and truly in love with someone. I wanted it to be me and her against the world. And I knew it was real love. Because the things I did to make her happy? She reciprocated by do the tiniest things that made me happiest of all. But as you can see, it ended up not being for us in this world..."

He got silent again.

"What happened..? If I may ask."

"Car accident. We were young. She was driving since I had a little too much to drink from a party back in our freshman year of college. We were T-boned on the driver side... by a drunk driver coming home from a bar. Both cars rolled into a ditch. Only I made it out alive. Driver was pronounced dead on site. She passed in mid surgery to resuscitate her. Funny thing, too, was I was going to propose to her two weeks later at a family Christmas party."

I went silent. Tears started slipping down my face, even though I tried everything I could to hold them back. It explained why no one had ever seen him outside of school with any girlfriend. He's too broken to try again. And I don't blame him. I didn't want to try again after Noah.

"So that's why whenever I asked you about dating someone, you changed the subject... cause you're too hurt to try again. Even though it's been years."

"10 years in December. I go to visit her usually every year. Just to say hi. But I don't stay long. Cause the pain gets to be too much."

I sat back down and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his head onto my chest. I knew he was shocked. Especially since him nor I never hugged another while in the building. But I took today as an exception. Since he needed it more now than ever.

That's when I felt shaking hands slowly wrap themselves around me, afraid to find out at that moment if it was okay to do so. So instead, I held onto him a little tighter. My way of saying it's okay.

We stayed like that for a couple minutes. Until an announcement came on for teacher to head into an emergency last minute meeting about some upcoming event.

I grabbed my stuff, walking out the door. But I stopped and turned to him at the doorway.

"I promise, if at any time, it starts feeling like it ain't real love, I'll end things quickly with Ryan. So there's no real heartbreak for him to endure like you had to. And I'll be honest and true to myself. Unlike when I was with Noah. And then I'll come to you and say, 'You told me so.'"

He looked at me with a nod before I walked away, down the stairs, and out the school building.