Crowns & Chaos

twenty-three

After dinner, we'd decided it would be too risky for Peter and Alec to try to sneak back to Lillian's room, so instead, Lillian made us all promise that we would have a makeup movie night ASAP. 

I finished washing my face, finally feeling the days events catching up to me. I put back on the sweats Lillian had lent me and curled up on the surprisingly comfortable couch. Peter had asked his parents about my staying over, and I didn't really see a point in troubling anyone for a separate room, so I was secretly sleeping on Lillian's couch. 

She plopped down on her own bed, pyjama-clad with her hair in short braids. It wasn't too late, but my eyes were barely fighting off sleep as it was. 

"Hey, are you okay?"

I looked up at her.

"Hm?"

"You looked a little out of it during dinner."

I didn't know what to say to that. It was scaring me how fast Peter and I had fallen into a comfortable rhythm at less than two months in. My feelings were already confused, not to mention throwing in some really wonderful friends that I would have to leave behind. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle another six months of this without losing my mind. 

"No, I'm fine. Just a little tired," I replied, giving her a wan smile.

"Okay, just checking. I'm gonna turn the lights off. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I whispered into the darkness. 

**

The next morning, Ron took me home shortly after breakfast after I'd promised Lillian I'd text her and Alec. Peter had given me a short kiss on the forehead, and off we went. 

He hadn't kissed me on the lips since the first date, seeing as there hadn't really been a reason to, and I was kicking myself for secretly wishing he would.

Ron dropped me off and went home for some well-deserved rest, leaving me with some of the other agents. I went for a short run on the new treadmill, trying to sort out my thoughts. 

I didn't have a crush on Peter, that would be ridiculous. My brain was just starting to blur the lines between fiction and reality and I'd gotten myself all confused. Besides, this was strictly a business deal. There was absolutely no way Peter would ever feel the same, not that I was acknowledging feelings. 

The lies sounded hollow and thin even in my own mind. 

"You've gotta pull it together, Evie," I muttered to myself. 

This journey was far from over, and I'd literally signed a binding contract meaning I wasn't going to be able to avoid him. 

I would just squash whatever these dumb feelings were before they had a chance to actually develop. 

That plan went down the drain as soon as I saw a message from him, leaving me with a stupidly big smile and a fluttery stomach. 

P: What do you want for your birthday?

E: Uh, nothing?

P: Don't be silly, what do you want?

E: I don't know, surprise me.

P: Will do:)

"Ah shit," I muttered. The way my heart had skipped a little just now was going to become a problem. 

**

The next few weeks were uneventful. I stayed up to date with my parents, wandered around a lot of museums and hung out with Lillian. We went shopping, she took me to get my nails done and we had movie marathons when Alec and Peter were busy. 

Her family was staying in the palace until her parents had worked some stuff out with Peter's parents, but I was happy for her to stay at my grandma's house with me because, despite the guards out front, I was still plagued by regular hauntings from my grandma. They were less visceral than before, mostly I think because I'd started wearing more of my own clothes and asking her nicely to leave me alone before I went to sleep. 

And yes, asking an empty house that you're pretty sure has your dead grandma's spirit within it to not harass you while you're sleeping feels about as ridiculous as it sounds. 

I'd also seen Peter quite a few times, just for casual lunches or walks in the park. I hated how much I'd started to look forward to those times, and how natural our fake relationship was starting to feel. 

I  would lie awake at night, going over every minute, the hand-holding, the smiling for the cameras, the kisses on the cheek and I didn't know what to think. Peter still hadn't kissed me on the lips again, which made it very clear, in my mind, that I was the only one struggling with real feelings leaking into the relationship. 

I sighed, fidgeting with my hair. Lillian had told me she was picking me up for my birthday dinner at 9, which seemed late, but whatever, and I still wasn't allowed to know where we were going. The weather was decidedly warm now, with summer in full swing, so I settled on a short sage green dress and some strappy heels. The doorbell rang at precisely 9:02, and I walked down to the car, where Ron and a very excited Lillian were waiting. 

"Hey!"

"Hi, birthday girl!" she cheered, pulling me into a tight hug. "How's it feel to be 23?"

I shrugged. 

"Pretty good, not that different I guess. Am I finally allowed to know where we're going?"

"No, silly, that defeats the whole point of the restaurant being a surprise."

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Fine, you insufferable and lovable idiot, let's go."

She clapped her hands gleefully and slid into the car next to me. 

"I'm really sorry Peter can't make it, by the way. He has a bunch of meetings but he said he'd make it up to you."

I shrugged again, trying to hide the way a lump rose in my throat and my stomach twinged with disappointment. 

"Don't worry about it! We'll just have a girls night."

Ron pulled up in front of a hole in the wall looking nightclub with a neon sign flashing above us. 

"This is it?"

"Yeah, we made sure there wouldn't be any press or anything, so you're well within your means to get totally hammered and no one will know."

I laughed at that as we got out of the car. 

"Gee, thanks."

She held open the door and we walked past the bouncer, who nodded at our IDs as we descended the stairs. I couldn't hear any music yet, but the bluish light reflected off the dark walls, casting weird shadows on Lillian's face. She was texting someone but shut her phone off as we approached the door at the bottom of the stairs. 

"I wonder if the walls are soundproof or something," I ventured as we walked through the first set of doors. "I can't hear anything."

She pushed open the second one, leading us into a pitch-black room. Deafening silence echoed around us as we stood on the threshold. 

"Suprise!"

The lights flicked on and the room exploded into colour and light.