Like Gold

28.

28.

AFTERWARDS, I sat in the car beside Jace, my eyes swollen and throat dry. My trembling fingers rested on my lap and I sunk into the seat, exhausted.

I'd cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. My body was drained, every muscle aching and sore. My face burned with irritation from rubbing my eyes until I was red.

The car rumbled beneath me as Jace drove me home in silence. I was too tired to think – too tired to remember how easily the car could swerve off the road, or how the windshield could shatter and stain my hair with glass.

Suddenly, Jace's hand was on mine, toying with my fingers to grab my attention. I looked up, meeting his gaze, and he smiled at me.

"We're here," he said simply.

I spun, realising the car had stopped across the street from my house. The road was empty. Silent. My mom's car sat in the driveway, and I knew she was home. She was probably waiting for me.

With a click, Jace unlocked the car doors, but I didn't move. And neither did he.

We both sat in a tense silence – both of us not moving. Both of us filled with unspoken words. Actions that flitted briefly across our minds, but never across our skin.

I was still tired after visiting Amber. I was drained from all the crying. Exhausted from speaking to her – seeing her grave for the first time in over a year.

Somehow, in just a few hours, Jace had managed to transform November 18th. It was Amber's birthday, and the day I'd visited her. The day I'd felt her around me. The day I'd introduced Jace to her.

My chest swelled. There were so many words I wanted to say, and yet nothing came out. I turned to him, my lips parting in silence. He frowned.

"You okay, Jas?"

I pursed my lips, nodding and glancing back at my house. I had to go – yet I couldn't. Not until I'd said it.

"Jace," I managed, my voice faltering and fading back into silence.

My throat burned, my lips failing to form the words I wanted to say. Swallowing a breath, I took his hand, hoping the gesture would convey my feelings enough.

He was silent for a moment. Then, he squeezed my fingers and said, "I understand."

"It really meant a lot to me," I said finally.

"It was nothing," he said, shrugging. "Fairview isn't a far drive, and I was happy to finally meet Amber."

I shook my head, meeting his eyes with a sharp gaze.

"It's everything," I said. "Not just today. It's you, comforting me even when you didn't know what was wrong. It's you, not hating me even when I kept things hidden and took my anger out on you. It's you, being there for me. No strings attached. Always."

His fingers tightened around mine, then he was pulling me forward, unclicking my seatbelt and wrapping his arms around me. He hugged me tightly – so tightly I thought I could feel his heart pounding between us.

"Don't say that," he muttered. "I'm being selfish. You're just – I couldn't leave you alone if I tried. I can't stand seeing you cry. I can't stand not – not touching you. Holding your hand or hugging you. Kissing you. Every minute I'm away from you, all I can think about is – Jasmine would like this show. That girl looks like Jasmine. I wonder what Jasmine's doing. I should text Jasmine."

He released a bitter laugh and I could feel him shaking his head, his chin rubbing the top of my head.

"I said I wouldn't do anything until we were better. I said I'd wait, just in case. But I can't help myself. So, don't say that. Don't thank me. I've been so fucking selfish, Jas. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you."