Perfect Storm

11- Tawny

Kicking Ian out of my place the other night was probably the best thing I did. Had I not done so, with the desperate look in his eye, his admission about his feelings towards me, and the way my mind, body, and soul reacted to him, something sexual most likely would've happened between us, and that's something I cannot allow to happen.

Not that I wouldn't mind having sex with an extraordinarily good-looking man such as Ian. And I'm sure a man like him is more than impressive in bed—men like him just aren't capable of being a hack in the sack; they have an ego to uphold. At least that's how he comes across. So he has to be one fantastic lover under the sheets.

I mean, think about it... Ian smells outstanding—like all the time. He drives nice cars, knows how to dress, is sharp, has leadership, is assertive, and has one stupendous-looking body. Then there's something else I know he's good at, one I hate giving him any credit for, but he kisses wonderfully, too. So, with all those qualities in Ian, I couldn't imagine him being worthless in bed.

But just because he seems like he'd make a great lover, I don't want to give in to him and be used to satisfy his needs. I also don't want him thinking sex would be another way for me to pay him back, either.

These last few days have been hard. It's been raining and storming, and there isn't much work around the resort because of the weather. So I've been stuck inside, doing nothing but twiddling my thumbs, talking to Skye, drawing, painting, and surfing the internet. All while I was thinking about Ian and how blown away I was when he admitted how he felt about me.

Feelings I never expected ever to hear come from his mouth.

And I'm still in shock by it.

Not only am I shocked, but I've been feeling so many emotions and conflicted feelings that I'm not sure how to make head or tail of them.

I'm confused, torn, happy, sad, hurt, angry, and excited. But above everything, I'm extremely surprised by it all.

If Ian feels that strongly about me, I don't understand why he treats me as badly as he does—he literally treats me like shit and has been ever since the accident. So, if what he said is true, I am more confused about how he claims he feels.

When Hannah hired me, I remember her saying her brother, who owned the resort, hardly ever came around and only came to do random inspections. However, since Ian is her brother and my boss, I've noticed he does the opposite of what she claimed he did. Ian is always here, staring and watching every little thing I do. Sometimes he's cold towards me, and sometimes he's not. But then, there's his body language and the way he looks at me. They're two completely different stories—deep affection and hate. And the money? Why insist on making me pay for something he knows I can't afford? Something very inhumane of him to expect out of me.

Despite the way Ian treats me and with his surprising confession, the more I think about him and his qualities, I'll admit, and only to myself, that if Ian were to approach me about having sex with him, I might give in. Not because I want a relationship with him, but because I've been so sexually frustrated lately. I'm a bit desperate for a man to make me feel things I haven't felt in a long time.

That is, if his treatment towards me changes.

The other night I wasn't expecting Ian to admit what he did, even though Hannah mentioned the reason he treats me like shit is that he does like me. But hearing it coming straight out of the horse's mouth makes me wonder what his agenda is. Because even I know you don't belittle or abuse someone you're interested in.

When I asked him to leave, Ian's facial expression was one of someone who knew he'd fucked up. And if that's what he was thinking, he's somewhat correct. Because, as I've told myself, Skye, and Hannah before, I'm not a toy. Especially Ian's.