Over time life become more consistent, taking one day at a time to get where I need to be. I'm still working on being the best mom for my kids, I want to be the best version of myself for now I will accept the challenges that come my way.
The battles with depression will always be apart of my life, I can only look forward to the future and live in the presence.
Looking back on everything I'm happy to say I survived the unthinkable. I survived the small town that tried to break my soul, it might not seem like a lot but to me it was a war zone growing up, nothing but chaos and destruction.
Without that chaos I wouldn't be who I am today so I decided to write this book to tell my story, even if it's just a peak into my life, I want to be able to reach out and show there is life outside of abuse or grief.
I don't know where this road I'm traveling down will lead me but the possibilities are endless.
Happiness is my destination but there will always be detours. I don't want to be known for the things my family has done, I want to be known for doing something great. I hope I can touch hearts, to be someone that others look up to.
I don't ever want my girls to feel the things I've felt in my life, I'm working on what is in the best interest of them no matter what happens to me I want them to know I'm so proud of them! with everything in my body they are the reason I'm still alive.
I think about what life would be like without them sometimes and I know if they wasn't here I would of ended my life years ago.
They are my lifeline and I will never inflict the pain on them that I've felt. I will do my very best to protect them.
My father thought he was protecting me as a child but he did more harm than good.
The last thing I've heard about his whereabouts is iffy, he went missing about 6 months ago. No one has heard from him and he is presumed to be dead, I'm hoping he doesn't find my location and show up one day unannounced.
It's a hard feeling to feel when I have so much hatred in my heart towards him, to think he might be dead brings mixed emotions to my heart. If he is dead my momma won't have to live her life in fear anymore, it's hard to believe that he is gone.
I know he's my dad but some part of me feel relieved, he was a evil man that has done horrific things in his life. This world doesn't need anymore evil in it.
I never felt love for him so how can I grieve someone I don't love? Yes he made me but he also destroyed my childhood.
When my innocence was took from me instead of being a protector he showed me no mercy, blamed me for my poor actions of trusting the wrong people in my own house.
Fathers are supposed to be the one person little girls can run to when they are in trouble and feel safe. My father was the exact opposite of that, I'll never forgive him for that!
My siblings will say "at least we had a dad and he didn't leave us." But in all honesty I think it would of been better if I never knew who he was.
He was there for the 15 years I lived under his roof, but he was no father. He was an abuser, a manipulator that only looked out for his self.
My kid will never know him as long as I'm alive I will do everything in my power to make sure he won't be in their life that is if he is still alive.
I hope they will read this book when they are old enough to understand why I've done everything I have in order to keep them away from harmful people like him.
I still have empty chapters that needs to be filled with happy memories, I'm looking forward to filling the rest of my life with adventures, with love that fills every piece of my heart.
Being happy is my goal! I hope this book will be the start to my new beginnings and it touches the hearts of many people that have went through the same struggles.
Thank you to everyone that took the time to read my story!
Never settle for less!
