𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

𝐬𝐢𝐱

I ask you easy questions
about work and school,
i'm tryin' to be cool about it,
feelin' like an absolute fool about it
-boygenius

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

September 2012,

I started high school.

I liked to hangout underneath the bleachers on the football field. Some of the other kids smoked cigarettes there. I tried one, but it made me cough for days. I only pretended, after that.

I made a new friend. She went by Gabby and had dyed green hair. She said she could show me how to get the color to stick in mine. The group invited me to a party, and I thought that would be fun. I would have done anything to get out the house.

I decided high school would be different than middle school.

Better, somehow.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

We are piled inside Dalton and Khalil's dorm room. Me and Dalton cuddled on his bed, Frankie nestled near our feet. Khalil and some boys from the baseball team lean against his desk. They have a handle of Tito's, passing it around, taking long swigs and making sour faces.

Khalil raises it for me, but I shake my head.

"You know Violet doesn't drink," Dalton says, and everyone laughs. They think that I am too bashful to drink—too afraid. In a way, they are right; I am afraid, but not in the way they think. Something tells me none of them would understand, even if I tried to explain. So, I just let them think whatever they want.

"You're coming with me to the Alpha Pi party, though, right?" Frankie asks.

"You know I have my shift at the bookstore, tonight."

She groans. "Can't Cash take that over, or whatever her name is."

"Their name is Ash, and no, it's a two-person job."

Frankie rolls her eyes and snatches the bottle of vodka from a shortstop named Matt. But then her head perks up, and she pushes Matt out of her way to get a better look into the hall. "Bailey! Love of my life, darling, how are you?"

Bailey was standing in the hall, presumably heading back to his room next-door. When he hears Frankie, he pokes his head through the open doorway. "Oh, hey guys!" he says. "What're you all up to?"

"Pre-gaming," says Khalil. "Get your ass in here."

He looks over his shoulder, talking to someone—and then he's dragging in Tenny by the sleeve of his shirt. The two of them stand in the doorway, Bailey with an eager grin, and Tenny with pursed lips. I'd never seen him look so out of place—the Tenny I knew was a chameleon. He could fit in anywhere.

Matty passes the vodka to Bailey, who stares at it with wide eyes. He presses his nose to the lip, takes a big sniff and then gags. "Smells like rubbing alcohol, you sure you're meant to drink this?"

The boys laugh—all of them but Tenny.

"Yeah, Bails, take a big ol' sip," Khalil encourages, and so he does. Bailey guzzles down three swallows and when he comes back for air, there are tears in his eyes.

"Oh, it's even worse than I thought!" They all erupt in laughter, again, as Bailey passes the bottle over to Tenny. His eyes drift to mine. Tenny, he's looking straight at me, but it's like his eyes see something else. His face kind of crumples, but in a way that only someone who really knows him would notice.