The Criminal's Daughter

Chapter 7 - Breaking Away From Narcissism

Husband number one Daniel. I met him at a concert I worked at. I was 19 years old and head waitress/events manager of Cactus Canyon in Temple, Texas. We hung out for a few days together and he asked me to marry him right away. That should have been a huge red flag to me right away. But I was a hopeless romantic and a man in uniform that liked me, gave me hope of getting out of my family and being as "in love" as anyone could be at 19. He was a CAV soldier stationed in Fort Hood, Texas and to my surprise of him dressed up like a cowboy, he was from Medina, NY no doubt. He was a wannabe cowboy. We eventually got married young and quick. I found out I was pregnant right away with Alexis and the abuse started after she was born. He took everything out on me.

In a relationship with Mike, a body builder in Houston, Texas. I met him when I worked for 2-the-extreme nutrition through the owner, they were friends. He was an abuser and found out he did drugs. Michael would smoke pot and be nice to me and then shoot steroids in his hips and he would beat me up so bad and one day I remember he knocked me down on the floor and kept kicking me in the stomach and all I was thinking, is my daughters are going to grow up without me. I felt like I was going to die. Michael passed away a few years ago from drug abuse. I knew eventually something bad would happen to him.

Husband number two Christopher. I met him at Grand Central Station dance club in Waco, Texas. I was a single mom of 2 little girls and my friend Shanona, that I had known since the 3rd grade and I wanted to go dancing and just hang out and have fun. I seen Chris standing by the wall with some other people and another girl. Shanona and I were walking around and being asked to dance a lot and I looked at him like, "Hey, you're beautiful and I'm interested" and when he met my look, he looked at me as if he was interested too, because he kept staring at me. He never talked to me that night and I just took it as if he wasn't interested. Something told me to see if Nonie, my friend Shanona would go back with me to see if he was there, because I was determined to talk to him. I was looking damn good too and as soon as we walked in, Chris ran across the dance floor just to talk to me. It was great for a little bit but he was so angry and mean to me. We got married so quick and when I found out I was pregnant with my son Kirk, he told me he knows it wasn't his kid and I had to have slept around on him. I literally wanted to jump out of the moving vehicle when he said that, because I don't screw around. And no matter if Chris eventually ruined our marriage by abusing me, punching me in the face and spitting on me, and running around on me, I would have never had my amazing son Kirk and my life wouldn't be the same. I have forgiven Chris for all that he has done. I struggle daily to forgive those who have hurt me so badly.

Husband number three Robert. I met him in Groesbeck not long after I divorced my son's dad Chris. Robert was eleven years older than me and dressed in business suits and I always liked classy men in suits. He was older, so I thought maybe he's different. He was so good with my son Kirk as he was a dad to him for 6 years. But the last few years he stopped making an effort for Kirk or me. I caught him going to the hospital ER frequently and getting hydro codeine and he sold pills with his son Mark and got addicted to pills. A few years after being married, I accidentally found out he esponged his criminal record for holding people hostage. That's crazy and why didn't he or his family tell me this. I would have never married him. It was an ongoing struggle being married to him. He wouldn't work and would eat all day, play xbox and watch football and not clean, not take care of anything. In and out of the mental hospital and addicted to pills. Robert passed away a few years ago. He overdosed on pills. When he died a few weeks before Christmas one year, I felt free.

My longterm relationship with Eddie lasted 5 1/2 years was supposed to lead to marriage and merging our family together.  I lived in Waco, near Elm Mott and was attending McLennan Community College when I met Eddie. He started coming to see me from Leander, near Austin a lot and even brought his daughters for a few days to visit. Kirk and the girls got along great, and it made it where Eddie eventually asked if Kirk and I would move in with him and his daughters in Leander. So, Kirk and I decided yes lets do it. Eddie helped us move. I literally became the mother of 6 fast. The first two years were awesome and I took the kids everywhere. I could tell they endured a lot and I grew to love them like my own. I recognized Gillian was cutting herself and then Emma decided she was gay and Jacqueline didn't have many friend and had mommy issues of never knowing her mother. We all were so close but Eddie changed things by being hateful to my son, and running around on me. I raised his 3 daughters Gillian, Emma and Jacqueline from the time they were in elementary until high school years and still talk to them on occasion. Eddie not only hurt me but it hurt his kids too. I've been the only real mother they ever knew. I think I stayed with him longer than I should have because I loved the girls. If I could have taken them with me, I would have.

I met Chris P in Austin, Texas. I had just split up a month earlier from Eddie and I was like, he's a shy guy and might be different, who knows. So he asked me on a date to see a comedy show with Comedian Leanne Morgan and I accepted. Never in a million years did I think this guy would do me so dirty. Chris P started acting a little weird and one morning, my ring doorbell went off and he laid flowers and a 6 page letter in front of my apartment door. Grant you, it was on the 3rd floor and at 2 am in the morning. So after reading this letter I thought, dang is this guy for real, does he really care about Kirk and I? So we eventually moved in together and I thought he was different, boy was I wrong. I caught him cheating on me and coming home drunk. I realized he had a problem with alcohol and some stuff from his past that he never got over. He treated my son so bad and couldn't handle having another man's son in his home. He had 2 kids every other weekend and he wasn't happy after I gave up my apartment to move in with him and we got engaged.

Husband number four. I met Steven at a gas station in the pouring rain. My son and I were in a huge Uhaul truck with our dog and cat. It was raining and the dang gas pump wasn't working. He offered to pump my gas, so I didn't get wet. I was very cautious of him and was like, is this guy a creeper or what? He gave me his number and we had out first date in Texarkana at a Japanese Hibachi restaurant. It was a nice change to actually have a conversation with a man. I knew he used to be a cop, a firefighter/paramedic. He opened the door for me, and those dimples just melted me when he smiled.

If I could pass on any life experience or knowledge to my kids or other young people. Take your time and don't give up yourself just because you are told someone loves you. Make sure they're worthy enough for your love.