Cemented Soul

Concrete Evidence

I thought I was living in a chrysalis threaded with the fibers of ambition and strength. I was soaking in all the energy I was given, hoping to emerge as a magnificent butterfly.

This is no chrysalis and I'm turning into something much darker.

Behind the gold plated and jeweled sarcophagus of skin lies those secrets that cast shadows of shame and guilt that I bury alongside me.

If you remove the golden shackles from my ankles you might see the marks of a memory long suppressed but never forgotten. Was it my fault, did I make it up, how did I get here? I blacked out, maybe he did too.

Those marks were not his hands that left this permanent imprint, but my tights ripped and tattered wrapped around my ankles as I slept. Maybe I just went to the bathroom and never pulled them up. Self-doubt set into my bones finding its place to thrive.

I wish to say no one else had carved their name into the mold before I hardened.

Someone you know is safe right? This time I only had one drink, so how did I wake up in his bed? It's all in my head, he's a good guy - I should date him anyway!

Hid away beneath the jeweled sarong draped around my waist, I'm broken in half by the pressure of the blame for letting him in over and over again knowing something wasn't right.

Why was he holding me down so hard, why couldn't I turn around and look at him - I wasn't allowed. Why did I feel like I couldn't breathe - were my ribs cracking? Is this consensual - I don't want it, not like this... but we are dating, he's not a villain - I'm so confused.

I even have this beautiful emerald choker that was given to me by the same conqueror. It was so nice of him to grab ahold of me - he really did want me to stay, he must love me.

My body holds the concrete evidence but my mind will not let me find solace. There is no "beyond a reasonable doubt" - so I doubt myself.

It's much easier to rest in eternal slumber than to try to decipher the hieroglyphics written on my skin. How can I call myself a victim if I can't decode the unknown that haunts me in the tomb of my mind.