Goodbye, Butterfly

Chapter One

The sweet kiss of warmth from the sun only lasted a few seconds before the soft grey blanket of clouds hid the sun from view once more, darkening the usually vibrant fall colors with the dreary mood the weather placed everything in. The light that came with the short moment of sunlight had brightened the fall colors; all the beautiful reds, oranges, and yellows scattered among the trees. The birds even sounded happier, their songs rising to a new sweet sound when the yellow rays brought everything to life. That was about as much as I took in, however.

I walk along the main street buildings and weave my way through the scattering of people along the sidewalk with me. I hover near the buildings, the red-brown brickwork of most of the buildings only inches from my arm as I walk. I keep my head down, trying to stay invisible to the world. Folding my arms, I hold onto the sleeves of my sweatshirt with my numbing fingers to hide the scars on my wrists. The minutes seeming to tick by at an agonizingly slow pace before the awning of the coffee shop came into view. Picking up my pace as much as I can with the throng of people around me, I quickly take safety inside the warm building and escape the large crowd.

There were no stares, as usual, as I entered the establishment. This place was almost always busy and filled with people. It was the perfect way to come and go unnoticed, to keep from drawing attention to myself. I take a quick glance around the place, the warm colors that invited me in the first day I came here soothing my nerves a bit. Light brown walls were covered periodically with large pictures of coffee mugs with steam drifting up from them as well as delicious pastries and cookies. A soft patterned carpet covered the floor; the smooth swirls woven into it creating the illusion of peace and refuge and comfort. At least to me. This place had become similarly like my second home. I felt comfortable here unlike other places I visit. No matter who came here, when I arrive and take my place I no longer feel as stressed and worried, though the feelings still reside inside of me none-the-less.

I try to keep my demeanor casual as I make my way up to the counter. The woman, tall with sharp blue eyes and blond hair pulled into a ponytail, greeted me with a warm smile. I return a smile of my own, though I doubt it was as welcoming. All the same, I order my usual: a mocha frappe with extra milk on the side. I have never liked coffee much. Sometimes the taste can get overwhelming and drown out all the other flavors there are to offer. This is the only place that had ever allowed me to add more milk to my favorite drink. Therefore, I come here nearly every day just as I have been since I first started college at Venetie State.

After paying, I give a soft thank you and sit down at a table near the back window, leaving my eyes downcast as I took my place. Glancing outside, I watch the rushing mass of people move past in a sea of faces. Those same faces that have made me who I am now. I sigh softly with the thought and pull my sleeves tighter over my wrists, listening to the soft hum of chatter inside as my mind wanders with different thoughts and illusions.

"Good morning."

I jump away slightly, stiffening as a man's voice tore through my preoccupied mind. I hadn't given thought to anyone joining me. A silly thought since I was still waiting for my drink. I look over at him but drop my gaze immediately once more. From my quick glance, however, I could tell he had dark blonde hair that seemed to be styled in a way that left it sticking upwards.

"Oh, morning to you too," I mumble back, trying my hardest to keep my gaze on him despite the discomfort I felt in his presence. Only bad things can come from this. He would question me and I would have no choice but to explain what I have been through, something I never wanted to tell anyone. Ever. Those thought hardly lasted long, as his silence drew my attention back towards him. I try my luck at keeping my gaze to his face, but fail to keep it there again.

"Are you alright?" he asks, sitting down in the chair across from me.

His simple question made me lapse into silence, pulling my sweatshirt sleeves father to cover my wrists and turning them down wards despite how easily the fabric hid them. A soft sigh came from his side of the table at my simple action, making my mind go into a frenzy of thoughts. Did he already know? Was it that obvious as to what I was doing to myself? My actions couldn't be that noticeable, but then so much had happened in my life that I could be a walking neon sign reading "Help Me". It wasn't often that someone randomly comes up to me to ask if I was alright, after all.