Waiting for Hope

Story of My Life

Story of My Life - one direction

Ethan sat on the floor of his apartment, curled into a ball, his hands balled into fists. He had pounded the floor with those fists until they were numb. He had yelled until his voice strained, desperate for relief from the strong emotion he felt after telling Hope to leave.

Telling her to leave.

How had it come to that? He couldn't make sense of what had just happened. All these years she had left him after a few days of little to no contact, his heart had never ached like it did this time. How many times had he watched her go, only to finally have a chance with her. And look what he did with that chance...

What was he thinking? She did this! How could she say that she had seen Will, talked to him just last week? Why in hell would she say something like that? It made no sense. It was killing him, this ache and this anger, all wrapped together. He was furious, but at the same time needing her so badly he could hardly see straight.

The time on the clock showed 4:00. He had been curled in that emotional ball for 30 minutes. Everything had changed in that 30 minutes. He was so sure about everything in his life, for once. But just 30 minutes had torn it all away.

He needed water, his throat was sore from pushing his vocal cords so long. He really hoped the neighbors weren't home. They must be gone, otherwise the cops would have been there already, with all the noise he had been making.

Somberly, he walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He stood at the sink, with the glass in hand, and stared out the window which overlooked the front of the apartment.

His mind wandered back to the 30 minutes before, when Hope had been standing in his apartment. She was so innocent, so shocked and then so sad. Ethan was confused. If she had been playing a joke on him, would she have been so shocked? Would she have looked so defeated? Why didn't she try to explain what she was thinking? But then Ethan realized he hadn't given her the chance. He had just commanded her to leave.

Conflict was never something Ethan handled well. When his parents fought, he would make his way outside and down to the water. Escape was his coping strategy. He never confronted teammates over their obnoxious behavior. Hell, he could barely tell Will to back off when his match making had been at an all time high.

This situation was no exception. Rather than escape, Ethan had forced the source of conflict to leave. They were not deep enough in a relationship for Hope to fight back. They weren't in a relationship at all, and now it seemed far fetched that they ever would be.

30 minutes.

In that short time span he had gone from thinking of a possible future with Hope to wondering if he would ever see her again.

Still staring absently out the kitchen window, Ethan barely noticed the door to his apartment open and shut. He didn't acknowledge the form walking towards him with a curious expression. He jumped in surprise when the person spoke, standing just inches away.

"Ethan? Are you okay? Where's Hope?"

Josh was home, knowing Ethan was planning to spend the day with Hope and seeing him standing alone in the kitchen.

"Gone. And no, I'm not okay." It wasn't a typical guy thing to spill your emotional guts to a buddy, but Ethan knew he wouldn't be able to hold it in. So he figured he might as well get it over with.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure myself. We came in to get the movie tickets I forgot, and she saw that picture of me and Will at the beach. I told her who was in the picture and she started talking about him, like she knew him."