Blue Moon

C H A P T E R 42

HALIYAH

ARRAH

A dream. The week with family and friends was a dream. There was no pack celebration or anything of that sort the day after I came to. Every day was a normal day. I went through the rest of the day like we usually did since before we had Nadia. Kai took a longer break from teaching and we spent more time being a family. I went to sleep tired but fulfilled and I woke up happily greeted by Kai or Nadia's hungry cry. We'd spend half of the day out with Kai's parents or mine. Sometimes with Macey and Bea and Edmund, Cyrus and their mates.

Normal.

I wanted a normal life with my family and friends.

Average.

A simple life, please.

My little baby who's got a wolf cub's appetite grew considerably bigger each day. Watching her grow up was a joy without compare. Although I was a little embarrassed that Kai seemed to have a full grasp at motherhood than I do. She was so adept at bathing and changing diapers. They looked so cute together. With the three of us, it was a party but like now when Nadia's down for the count, Kai and I enjoyed our downtime cuddling on the sofa. Watching muted movies or smooching. I was settled between her thighs and my back against her chest. Nadia was asleep in her crib. I still wanted to be able to see her so Kai brought it down so she could be with us in the living room.

"I'm losing you again."

That snapped me out of my thoughts and made me look up.

Did she know?

"I'm losing you to your thoughts." Kai was looking at me so happy and it made me afraid.

How could I grab on to a future that I was never supposed to have?

My days were loaned to me. That should have been enough. But how do I stop my heart that's wishing for more than I was given? My heart could not let go but the goodbye was already looming.

"What's going on inside this lovely head, huh?"

There were  a million ways to break a heart and sadly, not one was painless and swift.

She kissed my forehead and waited for me to answer.

What could I say?

"I'm thinking about what to cook for dinner later," I lied.

Because how could I tell her I may not be here later tonight.

'Tell her, Akì. At least, say a proper goodbye.'

How could I say goodbye without breaking Kai's heart?

"Don't worry about that. I don't want you tiring yourself out cooking every day. Trust in my unfailing skill in picking up the phone and ordering takeout, babe," she said in all seriousness. "Or we could raid our folks' house for food. That's one way to deal with tonight's dinner."

"I trust you, alright." I gently slapped her hand that has playfully wandered under my skirt. I gripped it when it showed no sign of stopping and was making slow circles on my thigh. The movement alone sent thrills to my racing heart. "This hand can do more than just picking up the phone."

She just chuckled as she put her arms around me and showered me with kisses on my cheek.

'I love you and I'm sorry I'll be coward up until the end.'

'I can't say goodbye...'

'I didn't want to but I can't stay either.'