Within/Without

chapter forty-five.

Simon - present day

"Ginger Snap, Ginger Snap! GIN-GER SNAP. Are you alive? Siiiimoooonnnnn. I know you can hear me, you prick."

It's a rude awakening if I've ever experienced one. Before my older brother's voice cut suddenly into my head, I was passed out on the holding cell's bench, my hand my only pillow. I sit up, groggily. My head aches and my body aches and everything aches. What happened? Am I in jail? Last I really remember was the police officer's light shining in my eyes. When did Noah get here? Am I back in Boston?

I peel my eyes open. Standing in the doorway of the holding cell with his arms folded and his eyes bloodshot is my brother. His whole face crumples with relief when he notices I'm awake. "Hey, buddy. Thank God. Thank fucking God."

I cringe as bright light splinters my vision. "I don't think God would like you using His name and 'fucking' in the same sentence."

Noah just laughs. It's been a while since I've heard him laugh like that. Sober, anyway. "You really are okay."

You really are okay.

How bad is it for him to say something like that?

Noah casts a glance down the hall, then enters the cell, sitting beside me. I start to ask what he's doing but then he's grabbing my face and pinching my cheeks and staring intensely into my eyes. "You're you," he says. "I don't understand. Why didn't you just show him your license? Your license, I mean. Simon St. John's."

I blink. It's starting to come back to me now. "I don't think I knew who I was."

Noah goes still for a moment. "Simon," he says, his voice wary, cautious. "Is there something you're not telling me? Are you...are you sure you're well?"

"I'm fine," I lie. "Don't worry about me. Just—how the hell did you get me out of this, anyway?"

Noah's frown evaporates into one of his award-winning smiles. The one he gives Mom and Dad to earn their praise; the one he wears to job interviews; the one that earned him a date with Samantha Kinsey, the hottest girl in school when we were younger. It truly is blinding. "I used my overwhelming charm, of course."

I wait, silent, for him to give me the actual answer.

He sighs. "I made up a lot of stuff. Mostly I just kept talking until they went cross-eyed and took my money."

"Fair enough. You are very obnoxious."

Noah smiles again and jumps to his feet, gesturing for the door. "Let's go, Ginger Snap. They're waiting for you in the car."

I don't have time to ask who they are, because by then Noah's already yanked me down the hall.

There are two people sitting in Noah's decrepit red and gray hatchback when we reach it. One of them is my cousin, Larry, and the other is Val.

Last time I saw Larry, he was plotting to kill someone. Last time I saw Val, she was looking at me like I was someone she no longer knew. This is to say that I don't exactly know what to say to either of them.

Graciously, Noah leans into the passenger side window and tells Larry to sit in the back, beside Val. Then Noah takes the driver's seat and I take the front seat, and all four of us sit there and none of us talk.

Noah's car smells like oil and ocean air freshener, a weird cocktail of scents that almost makes me want to throw up in my mouth, if there was anything in my stomach in the first place. My body is still hurting, my head is still pounding. My mind swims in and out of focus. I've never felt so close to the edge.