Pretty Boy [bxb] | ✔️

Chapter twenty-three: Dirty dreams

Dirty dreams

The fact that all these romantic thought about Alex took no time rushing into my head has left me feeling bashful around him.

I've never liked someone how I do with Alex, and it's confusing, and exciting, and bloody scary all at the same time. I'm ready for it. I'm ready to dive off at the deep end, and experience dating someone, and get out of my comfort zone. My anxiety has been the thing that held me back from all this. I won't let it get in the way anymore. That's not fair on myself.

Alex is currently sat on the floor of my bedroom, his back pressed against the back of my bed with my notepad in his hand, marking all the chemistry questions I have answered. We have been doing the tutoring for a bit over an hour now and it has been so hard not to look up from my notepad and stare at Alex's beautiful face.

It's no lie that I've always thought Alex as attractive; I have that sketch of him to prove that fact. I just thought his personality was ugly, and that prevented me from seeing his true beauty. I see it now. With each day, since he apologised to me on the beach, I trust him a little bit more, and with that, he's a little bit more beautiful to me too.

My situation today is that ever since I made eye contact with him at school, my heartbeat feels as though it's beating one hundred beats per second. It seems to go away once I know he's out of the room, but when he's back again, it comes back. I've never experienced this before. And with Alex? Wow. This is all happening so quickly, and I think I like it. I keep catching myself smiling. I'm a bit more happier already, and we've only been on one date, although the have message back and forth, some messages being a bit more flirty than others.

After our conversation on the phone last night, with him asking me a question with the topic of sex in it, I may have had a small dirty dream about him. I woke up a sweaty, mortified mess and had been trying to avoid eye contact with him all day. That failed.

Once our eyes locked in third period French, my whole body has decided to go crazy. Like, heart pounding and hands shaking crazy. All the thoughts I had about last night come rushing in like a flood. It has overwhelmed me so much that I feel as though I was going to fall to my knees if I stood up. And I feel the need to kiss him. Like, badly.

I don't kiss him, though, because I don't know if we can just kiss each other whenever we feel like it. We're not a couple. Instead, I just sit here, next to the boy who's making my mind go insane, tensing every time our legs or arms brush. How could I like him so much in such a small amount of time? It doesn't make sense.

"You've seriously improved, I'm impressed. You got almost full marks," He says, handing me my notepad back. Looking down at it, I only see one cross. Since we started this tutoring, I really have improved, and now I don't resent Mr Preston for making us do this. I thank him, because so much has happened for the best.