Aftermath

Part 5

I hadn't realized how hungry I was until there was a large plate of deliciously smelling food in front of me. Cristina and I stuffed food into our mouths in silence, and I realized she probably hadn't eaten either. 

"How have you been?" I asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, since the...that day. Recovery wise."

Cristina snorted. "Honestly, I don't know. I've really been pushing down all my feelings."

"To the dark and twisted place?"

"Yes," she laughed.

"Yeah, me too. Sleeping?"

She just shook her head.

"Me neither."

We sat in awkward silence again for a few minutes.

"Do you want to check on Alex before going back to Derek?" 

Cristina nodded and stood up. We walked to Alex's room, which was near Derek's. He was awake, watching baseball on the TV.

"We barley get any good channels here," He complained when he saw us walk in.

"So you're feeling better?" I asked.

"About as good as I can be with a bullet in my chest."

Cristina rolled her eyes, "You're an idiot."

"Chicks dig this kind of crap."

"Idiot," She repeated. 

"Have you seen Lexie?" Alex demanded suddenly.

"She's in psyche still sleeping," I reported.

Alex took a deep breath, "She and Sloan saved my life."

"I heard," I said as I sat down on the end of his bed and Cristina moved to sit in the chair next to him. 

We talked for about an hour before Alex kicked us out, saying he was tired. I had building dread about going back into Derek's room, but Cristina grasped my hand and squeezed it reassuringly, which helped. 

I gave her a soft smile and quietly stepped into Derek's room. There was a nurse checking his stats, but she left a minute after I walked in.

"Hey," I greeted him with yet another fake smile.

"You're not okay," He responded, sitting up in his bed. 

"I'm fine. You need to focus on yourself right now."

"All I can think about is you. What it must have been like. I wish you had told me sooner."

"I survived. I survive a lot of things, this was just another addition to the list."

Derek frowned, clearly deep in thought. He was quiet as I walked around his bed to sit in the chair beside his head.

"You found me," He recalled.

"What?"

"When I was first shot. I hit the ground, felt the blood, then I saw, heard, and felt you." 

"You would have bled out right there if I hadn't come. I had no other choice."

"So you were close to me. You saw."

It took me a minute to realize what he was talking about. I watched Clark point the gun at him and shoot him down right in the middle of the catwalk. 

"I saw," I repeated softly.

"I'm so sorry,"

"No. you don't get to apologize because you don't have anything to apologize for."