Back to Me (Book Three ✓)

eighteen

EMMA

"Good morning," Beau murmurs, deep voice thick with sleep. Eyes still closed, he reaches out to me, blindly grabbing my fingers and holding my hand close to his chest. His eyes flash open then. "Sorry," He let's go and my heart falls.

I keep my smile in place, knowing that taking it slow is the best way to go. Despite last night and how amazing it feels to be with him, we need to do this right, to be responsible.

The little one deserves it.

"Don't be sorry." I say quietly, resisting my own urges to trace his face, flush in the sunlight making its way through the window. "For the first time in awhile, I don't feel so... angry."

I trail my eyes over him instead, the hard line of his jaw, the smudged liner he didn't take off before we fell asleep on the floor, and catch as he grimaces. Grunting, he sits up straighter against the wall and pulls a comforter over his lap.

"I don't want you to be angry." He sighs, using long, tattooed fingers to pull a loose strand in the material."Ever. But especially not at me." I smile at the child-like statement, but don't interject. "Hey, can I talk to you about something?" His green eyes flutter to my face and then back down to the chipped polish on his nails.

I try to hide my surprise - while Beau's communication has gotten better, an outright request to talk is rare.

"Sure," I nod, watching him intently. "You said you wanted to talk about that meeting with Zach and Rocco, right?"

Beau's expression shifts just barely, before he nods finally. "Um, yeah. I wanted to know what you think."

Now it's my turn to stare at my hands. Whatever he's going to say - just please don't let it ruin everything. Not after last night.

After dozing off discussing his tattoos and whether or not I would ever ink my own skin, we were startled awake by his phone ringing. He ignored the call but the damage was done - wide awake, we spent even more hours up talking. From laughing about Fiona and our awkward first meeting, to pondering what our baby will be like - a little book lover in my eyes, and a total badass musician in Beau's - our talk left me content.

Hopeful. Excited, even. Ready to take on the future.

Whatever Rocco and Zach said, it better not disrupt the balance we seemed to strike last night. Flirty, but casual. Just two people who know each other best, talking like friends.

I lift my head when Beau continues, voice slow and unsure.

"Zach wants me to join a band he's pulling together. He's getting a lot of cool guys, kind of like a mega-band or something. He wants... he wants me to do it with him." Beau narrows his eyes at me, trying to read me, I'm sure.

It's like my heart drops into my stomach, all the hope I'd just been feeling drowning right along with it. Not this. Not again.

Before I can speak, Beau rushes out the next part. "I told him I couldn't do it."

"You what?" This time, I can't help that my jaw nearly hits the floor.

"Well." He rubs a hand over his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. "I said I'd think about it. But I don't think it's good for me to go back to that shit... Zach said maybe I could just write for them instead."