Back to Me (Book Three ✓)

three

EMMA
present

"Beau?" My eyes slowly raise to face myself in the mirror as my hand numbly reaches for the pregnancy stick that fell into the sink. Twisting it between my fingers, the bold "pregnant" staring back at me menacingly, I can't help but laugh humorlessly. "Holy crap, your timing could not be any crazier,"

I stop myself, realizing what I've almost given away and bite my lip. Can I tell him? Should I tell him?
Tell him what... exactly?

There's a moment of silence until Beau speaks up again, clearing his throat first. "What do you mean?"

Tears well in my eyes as I clutch the stick in my palm, having no idea what I should do. The call came from a rehab facility in LA - the same one Rocco decided upon a month ago. So Beau must have stayed - he might even be doing better. Blinking back my tears, I open the mirrored cabinet above my sink and stick the pregnancy test inside.

To deal with another time, my mind quips, because you know this isn't going to just go away, right?

"Nothing," I lie, wiping my cheeks harshly, leaving my eyes bloodshot and watery looking back at me in my reflection. "I was just thinking about you, is all."

"Oh," Beau sounds like he might be smiling. The thought twists like a knife in my chest and I'm unable to escape the fear that he'll never forgive me for keeping this from him. But I have to keep it from him, don't I?

If I tell him, there's no way he'll stay in rehab. The news will either send him over the edge and to the bottle, or to me. That's not what either of us needs right now. He needs to be there.

What do I need right now?

In the mirror, my reflection is shell shocked and pale, worry creasing my forehead. My fingers shake as I knot them together just to untangle them over and over. It's like I'm a spectator - watching some drama play out in front of me - instead of being the person to actually live through the moment.

"You there, Em?" Beau asks, snapping me back to reality.

"Uh, yeah. What was that?" I settle on the toilet seat, no longer trusting my legs to keep me standing.

"I said I've been thinking a lot about you, too." He repeats himself and I focus on his words, trying to ignore the way my heart soars hearing his voice, even weeks later, even after seeing him kiss Rey. "Emma... I'm not okay."

Instantly, my heart races and I'm almost on my feet to go help him. Almost.

"I mean, I'm doing the steps and you know, seeing Dr. Dex - I mean Dr. Williams, and all of that. But I've never really been okay. I don't think..." He exhales a long, shaky breath. "I don't think it's good for us to be together, Em. I think we need space. And I know I'm the one calling you out of no where, but I just think we - I, at least - need closure."

Closure. The word repeats itself in my mind, sounding more and more unfamiliar every time.

There it is - the ending. The ending we have so frequently skipped out on. I never really thought it would be Beau delivering it, though, or that it would happen over the phone, just minutes after finding out that I'm pregnant with his child.