The Beat Of Birds Wings - TF2 (Sniper x Scout)

Impulse

"It's ok." Sniper finds him self whispering. Scout scrunches up his face and looks away. The boys cheeks are glossy with tears. The sight wrenches something in Snipers gut and before he can stop himself he pulls Scout to his feet and embraces him.

A shudder runs through the boys body as he holds back another sob. He feels Sniper grab him and pull him to his feet and wrap his arms around him, one around his waist and the other gently pressing a hand to the back of his head. He feels the man's body press into his own. He feels the brush of stubble and Snipers shaking breathing down the back of his neck as he cradles Scouts head against his collar bone. He can smell Snipers breath, the usual cigarettes and coffee and beneath that he can smell the scent of sweat, hair and soap. There's a masculine smell too, similar to his own but it's different slightly, harsher, raw. It's his smell and it's intoxicating. Scout nearly faints from giddiness.

Is this really happening?

Scout sniffles, he feels a tear roll down his cheek and he feels silly. "Ugh. Of course he'd only ever hug me out of pity." He thinks feeling some emotion stab him in the stomach. " Don't be so naive." but he has a spark of hope he can't stomp out. He sniffles again harder and brings a hand around Snipers back to wipe his nose on his wrist. He wipes at his eyes furiously and grinds his teeth as his face scrunches in rage. He runs his hands up his face and through his hair and tugs at it hard.

"Fuck." Was all he could manage. His tone nasally from crying.

"It's ok." Sniper says again gently, holding him tighter.

"Fuck." Scout spits again. "It's not..."

There's a long pause. Sniper closes his eyes and massages the back of Scouts neck. " What the fuck 'ave I started? Is it worth it?" Is a though he can't push away.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this..." Scout says quietly.

"Hm?... oh, nah 's fine... really." Sniper mumbles gently, his voice is low and gravely and it drives Scout nuts. "The last thing I want to do kid, is make things worse." Sniper wants to say but doesn't. The man continues to massage small circles with a thumb and for finger at the back of Scouts neck.

Scout places a hand on Snipers chest. The boy turns his face up toward his ear, his lips pressed into the sensitive part of the mans neck behind his jaw.

"No... you don't understand..." he whispers.

Sniper freezes.

Scout can feel the mans pulse with his lips, he feels it quicken. A tight pause follows and like the flick of a switch blade Scout seems to change his mind.

"No, ya' know what? I'm not sorry!" Scouts sudden tone of anger takes Sniper by surprise as well as the sudden change in volume. He leans back, an expression of tired pain on his face. Sniper eases his embrace and Scout grabs the mans vest with both hands and stands to face him.

" ...I've been sorry about so many things in my life, I'm sorry I even freakin' exist, but ya know what? I won't be sorry about this... I'm ashamed of how I feel but I don't regret it, I'm not sorry... not any more..."

Sniper swallows and coughs hard.

"Scout... don't-"

"Shut up and listen to me!... Saying this hurts..." Scout interrupts. "... this... that... that you make me like this. You drive me nuts. I can't stop thinking about you. Your in my head when I sleep and I see you when I'm awake but you feel so far away and it's maddening. I can't get enough of you... an', an' I think it's cos' I like you. I can't bear this burden to be around you all the time and to not express how I feel. To not let you know. I freaking like you Sniper, like a lot. Like in a sex way and-"

"Scout-"

"And-"

"Scout!" Sniper growls.

Hearing his name said like that, so demanding sounding, makes Scout closes his eyes and bite his lip.

"Calm down Scout, take a breath. Think about what you're saying." Theres an authority in his voice that makes Scout squirm with desire.

Snipers voice whether he means it or not, comes on as suggestive sometimes and it's not even what he says, it's how he says it... or maybe it's how Scout hears it, but either way he can't help him self.

" I've thought about this enough. You're all I think about there's not much else to it. I even think about you when I jerk o-"

"Scout! That's enough." But what Scout was saying made his cock throb. The man closes his eyes and sighs.

"I'm sorry you feel that way mate, I'm am, but that can't be right..." Sniper stares past the boys face as he talks, out the window across the other side of the room where the sky was dark and the moon was out. He couldn't look at Scout. Couldn't confront him. "...Gotta' be someone els you're thinking' of." The last bit he keeps to himself. "...It's not me, it can't be me...It shouldn't." There's undisguised pain in his voice that Scout hasn't heard before. A knot forms in this throat, a pit in his stomach as he waits for the final blow... but it doesn't come. There's no "It's not you its me." or "I'm sorry I just don't feel the same."

"Sniper?"

"Yeah mate?" he says distantly, concern in his voice.

"What's it gonna' freakin' take for you to believe me?" Scout leans in front of Snipers absent gaze. Theres a slight flush to his cheeks, his eyes are still bloodshot from crying. His brows are pressed together in a small frown but his face is determined. The question knocked Sniper off guard and it takes him a minute to respond.

"I guess I already do... which makes it harder in the end." Sniper says after a pause.

"How do you feel then?" Scout presses, scrunching the front of his tee shirt together in his hands.

Sniper closes the gap between them and brushes a hand through Scouts damp hair. He takes a moment to press his face into it and breathes in the scent of his shampoo, there's the smell of beer there too. He closes his eyes and wishes for a different lifetime.

"I don't know..." he whispers.

Scouts timid voice breaks the silence. "Hey..." he starts.

"Mm..." he sighs into the boys hair a moment before looking down at him.

Scout hooks a finger under the mans chin and angles his face closer to his own.

"Kiss me..." Scout breaths, pleading.