𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 • Neil Perry

Chapter 12

RUMMAGING through his things in search of his Latin dictionary, Neil explained to Todd the goings on of that night from start to finish.

Prior to his roommate's arrival, Todd was making another failed attempt at writing a poem. He was relieved to be put out of his misery; nothing groundbreaking birthed from the endless minutes spent writing empty words on lined paper.

Once Neil found the small book, he slammed it down onto his desk, hitting pages determinedly until he found the word he was looking for.

And after a few seconds of skimming amidst explaining, he put the final piece of the puzzle in place. The phrase reserved for himself and his first kiss in the palm of his hands: Carpe noctem.

He rehearsed it in his head again and again until thoughts of her touch invaded his memory.

And with his coat and dangerously loud shoes off, he fell back onto his bed, Todd sitting on the edge of his own with a watchful eye.

"I never knew anything could feel so soft," Neil grazed his lips with his fingertips. He was too afraid to do so much as lick them, fearful the taste of her would perish. "So... gentle."

Todd's eyebrows furrowed, feeling as though he missed something. "But she doesn't want to meet your parents," he says tentatively.

"It wasn't a want thing," Neil turned his head away from the ceiling to face him. "She's just afraid."

"Should she be?"

"You already know the answer to that." He pushed himself back up, sitting on the edge of his bed, "Besides, it's a blessing in disguise. If she met my parents, she might slip up on bringing up how we met and the play, and it'd all be mortifying. I can't put her in that position. I won't do that to her."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?" Neil's eyebrows furrow.

He didn't mean to sound so hostile, but it was enough to render Todd back to his usual silent state. And instead of elaborating, he shrugged his shoulders.

Neil fell back onto his bed again, his eyes glued to the ceiling.

"Do you love her?" Todd asks, breaking the quiet.

"I ache for her. Not being with her right now, it makes me physically sick." There was no hesitation, there was no break in his speech. Then Neil turned onto his side, tucking his hands underneath his head as he focused on Todd. "But is that love? I... How do poets know?"

"Ask Knox," Todd jokes shyly, his eyes falling to his lap.

His roommate laughed heartily. Once Todd met his gaze again, the both of them entirely collect, Neil continued to confide in him. "If this is love, I never want to fall out of it," he says.

"Even if you're sick all over the floor?" Todd asks.

"Organs and all," replies Neil.

And Todd could see that Neil meant it with every fibre of his being.

Then the lovestruck boy turned onto his back, staring up at the ceiling like a kid stargazing. "I'm on fire, Todd."

Suddenly he remembered how Milly said she felt, realising that the reason he didn't hesitate in kissing her was because he felt the exact same way.

"Alive."