Harper's Rules 1 & 2

Chapter 28: Harper

"Ugh..." My nostrils flared as I took in a deep breath and scanned my eyes over the rolling hills of lush greenery in front of me. "Fresh air."

"Won't kill you." Ellie's elbow linked in between mine. "This'll be fun."

"Just hang the penis necklace around me already so I can choke myself with it," I grumbled and looked down at the white, satin 'Bride to be' sash that hung diagonally across her chest. It was already wrinkled from our drive up here, which admittedly was a lot more fun than I'd expected.

Ellie's friends though... Highly questionable.

Let's see, we've got a meddling ex-roommate, a lactating NFL wife, and... me.

"Request granted!" A chirpy female voice erupted behind me and a muscular bicep slipped over my head. I groaned at the strategically hot-glued together three pieces of cork that looked like an over stylized set of cock and balls and rested right between my breasts.

That length has to be intentional... the necklace length.

"Perfect." Charlie, the meddling ex-roommate one, patted my shoulders.

On this surprisingly lovely mid-April day, Ellie and two of her friends had flown into Sacramento's airport, since it was cheaper and less of a driving headache than San Francisco. After I stayed overnight with Dad, I drove up from Santa Cruz, picked them up, and took a road trip I'd never have expected.

Maid of honor sacrifices.

Going back to my old bedroom in Dad's house, which felt a lot smaller than I remembered, was a mindfuck of memory lane wherever I looked. Four baby pink walls surrounded me, the same color Vanessa painted before my seventh birthday and I hadn't changed since.

The personal items I'd kept there because they'd felt 'important' when I left for UCLA now seemed trivial and superficial. I packed away a lot of high school memorabilia and pictures, donated my prom and Homecoming dresses before they became too out of style, and paused when I came across the picture of me, Ellie, and Jake at Santa Cruz's high school division playoff win.

My fingers traced around Jake's grin as nostalgia gripped the edges of my heart. With a sigh, I put the picture back on my dresser, surrounded by a lot less but I smiled when I added a recent picture of Wyatt. He still rested in at-home quarantine but his hair had fully grown in, identical in color to mine.

And still obsessed with Sponge Bob memes, I don't get it.

I wasn't entirely sure what Charlie's post-college plans were, and honestly, I'd nearly fallen asleep when her explanation included her hopefully NFL-bound fiancé, Wes Brown. Even for a student athlete herself on UW's tennis team, she seemed like a normal, non-bitchy representative of the blonde-haired, blue-eyed community. Part of me always appreciated how she'd taken care of Ellie when they'd lived together at UW.

Not gonna lie, the milkmaid one freaks me out a little.

Monique, Ellie's other friend, was a tall, strikingly beautiful black girl with frazzled nerves and a fucking breast bump lodged onto her during the ride up here. For her privacy, her pumping had left me with my eyes staring straight out the windshield for most of our drive up to Napa Valley.

"You can look," she'd teased me, then cackled when I winced at the sight of her pumping bottles full of milk and still attached to her breasts.

I was pretty sure my nipples inverted at the sight.

No no no. Never.

"It's not as glamorous as it looks," she grumbled, detached the cups, and wiped her dark brown nipples clean.