Better Than Milkshakes, Better Than Boys (girlxgirl)

[40]

I spent every waking minute of the winter break with either Mackenzie or my parents. I replied to a few texts from the soccer team, and I did arrange to meet Freya, but I ignored everyone else. I wasn't really in the mood to speak to people.

I almost felt like I was watching myself drift through the break. Sort of like an out-of-body experience. I watched myself wake up, have breakfast with my family, catch up on my winter assignments, throw my phone around my room depending on who messaged me, and then just stare at the ceiling until Mackenzie turned up and forced me to do something.

Mackenzie definitely made me feel better. In fact, she did a little bit more than that, but then she'd have to go home and my mood would fall into something more sombre again.

I have to admit, my Christmas had very mixed reviews. It started well, dipped in the middle, and then ended on several highs if you catch my drift. I feel a lot closer to Mackenzie now, and I can't speak for her, but I think she feels the same. She laughs more, and now that she knows that I love her, it's like the declaration has unlocked an affectionate side of her she was afraid to bring out before.

I blocked Clay and Faye. I debated keying their cars or slashing their tyres, but I think I'm a little bit above criminal damage that could cost me a scholarship. But only by a little. My head is a complete and utter mess about all of it. I can wrap my head around April and Will, partly because I have been forced to see them, but Faye and Clay is just something that I never in a million years imagined happening, never mind the fact it happened when it did. It's not like I wouldn't have been happy for them if they told me about it. They were my best friends, and all I wanted for them was happiness. If they had come and spoken to me after we broke up and said they liked each other, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. I would've been happy for them because Clay and I are over, and I'm in a very secure relationship with Mackenzie. Why would I have been cross about it?

I can't help but have my head run through everything again. I know I did this a few weeks ago, but I cannot let this lie. I am overthinking to the point that I'm driving myself insane. Were they seeing each other before we broke up? Did we break up because of them? Why did he choose me?

All of these questions spin around my head at a thousand miles per hour, but the last one keeps recurring. Why did he pick me? Did he feel obligated to? I have a feeling deep in my gut that those two are together again, so why bother having me in the middle of something you two so clearly wanted to explore and have possibly been exploring behind my back for the past eight months?

"Ugh!" I groan, slamming my head back on my pillow. The more I think about it, the more confused I feel. I don't feel like I can speak to anyone about it because normally, I would go to April about this, and I know she'd have my back. But I don't feel like we're in a good enough place to just pick up where we left off.

The worst part is, winter break will be over at the end of the weekend and I'll have to go back to school and ignore three people I saw as my best friends before the break started.

I don't really know how I'm going to approach the situation. I have Mackenzie, I know that, and I have the soccer girls, but I don't want to alienate April from her friends because I know she would avoid sitting at the same table as me in order to give me space.

My phone pings with a text, the noise breaking me from my internal monologue.

Freya: Fancy meeting for a coffee?
Freya: Also don't make it weird that I'm asking.

I find myself chuckling for the first time since I saw Mackenzie three days ago. I must admit, Freya is growing on me. Now, I never thought that I would ever say that. But I just think neither of us have given the other a chance, and now that we have, I actually quite like the girl.