No Matter What

Too-Little Stars

Typically I felt too nervous to talk during my appointments, but today I was feeling extra frustrated. I didn't sleep because Annie was keeping me up with wedding stuff. It was going to be a big rush to do the whole thing before each of our babies came. There were less than two months to plan.

"But I don't get it! I'm eating a ton. Even when I'm nauseous!" I said, causing Connor to have a surprised look on his face.

"Alrighty. Tell me about your eating habits. Let's see what we can find," said Doctor Khan. "What does a typical day of eating look like for you?"

"Okay, so I'll have a cereal bar for breakfast in the morning while I'm driving my friend Dani and I to school, and then I have Pop Tarts at nine when we get our morning break, and then I'll have like, a sandwich or pizza at lunch, and then I'll have a snack while I go home, and then I'll make dinner."

"Which is usually a box of mac and cheese," Connor said.

"No, two boxes of mac and cheese now," I said.

"Well, that certainly does not sound like a ton to me. You need to drastically improve your eating habits, Ayla," Doctor Khan said. "You're not taking in enough, and you're not eating the right things. We discussed this last week."

I sulked back into my chair. I'd been going for walks, getting a consistent sleep schedule, and being super careful about not jostling the babies around. I'd been going up and down the stairs extra slowly, and gotten a special hall pass so I could go in-between my classes when there's less people in the hallways so I didn't get bumped into. I took three different prenatal vitamins so they'd be healthy.

But somehow I just couldn't get this one thing together. I was so embarrassed. I didn't need Doctor Khan to tell me my diet was trash. It really was. And I didn't think anything of it because I wanted to stay in my comfort zone with my safe foods. Fruits and vegetables were gross.

"Can you tell me again what I need to do?" I said.

"For starters, get up earlier so you have time to eat more than a bar for breakfast. I'd also recommend bringing your own lunch from home, because what you get at school is probably not good for you at all. You should also be eating more throughout the day," he said.

"But I can't eat in the middle of class! It's totally not allowed," I said.

"I'll give you the golden ticket: a doctor's note. You need to be snacking throughout the day. Especially since you're carrying twins, and especially now, since you're underweight. Bring something healthy, like nuts or trail mix. Stay away from those Pop Tarts," he said, handing me a note.

"Okay," I said.

"Even if the box says they have 'real fruit' though?" Connor asked.

The way he advocated for me was honestly such a turnon sometimes. These pregnancy hormones in my second trimester were driving me nuts.

Doctor Khan chuckled. "What the box says and what's actually in it are completely different. Real strawberries are obviously ideal to the strawberry Pop Tarts."

"I know," I said, sighing.

"Download an app to help you track what you're eating. It'll make sure you reach the calorie goal you need. You should be eating at least three-thousand calories a day," Doctor Khan said.

"Got it," I said. "That's a lot though."

"I know it sounds like a lot, I know," he said. "Any improvements at all on your fruit and vegetable intake?"

"I brought the frozen berries to make into smoothies like you said...but I just haven't made them," I said.

"I'm going to tell you a secret. I grew up with my little brother, who is autistic," Dr. Khan said. "He had things he liked to eat, and not much else. I know this is very difficult for you to change your diet, but remember that it's for the good of your babies."

"I know," I said, looking at the floor.

"How about this: I'll write you a referral to a dietician. She'll help you create a meal plan you can work with. It's a hard thing to overcome, but I'm very confident in you, Ayla," he said.

"That sounds good. I think we can manage," Connor asked. "Other than that, how are they doing?"

"Very well. Heartbeats were strong. Everything else is functioning normally. There's no evidence of their cords twisting or even getting close to each other, so you're in the clear for now." He stood up. "I'll see you here next week. I'm counting on you to gain some more weight and change up your diet."

"I will," I said.

"I'll leave your referral at the desk. Your babies are doing well enough that I think we're going to take a week off, okay?" he said.

"Wow. We don't have to come next week, even with the weight issue?" Connor asked.

"Amniotic fluid is looking good, and there's no cord entanglement so far. Heartbeats are good. We'll see you again in two weeks this time, then go from there."

"That sounds good," I said.

"Thanks again, Doctor Khan," Connor said.

He was so nice. Even though I really liked Doctor Khan and he was great at what he did, what he said still made me feel like trash. Yes, it's for the good of my babies, but I wanted a world where my safe foods were healthy and acceptable for me to eat all the time.

Doctor Khan left the room with the door open. Connor and I knew the drill. We went around the corner to the checkout desk, where we saw Jane, the sweet secretary, and set up our appointment for next week.

"Sixteen weeks. If your goal is thirty, you're halfway there!" she said, handing me the Doctor Khan's note so I could eat in class.

"I think we're honestly just trying to get to twenty-four," Connor said.

"I understand. It's really not ideal, but sometimes with certain situations, we'll just take viability," Jane said. "I have a spot open two weeks from three-thirty for you to come back. Sound good?"

"That's fine," I said.

"Great. And here's your referral to Doctor Covington's office," she said, hanging me the paper with the dietician's info on it. "I'm going to send this over right now. If you don't hear from them by tomorrow afternoon, give them a call."

"Thanks. Bye Jane!" Connor said.

"Bye you two! See you next time!" she hollered as we went out the door and down the ramp.

"Wow, by the time we're back here in two weeks, we'll know what they are!" Connor said.

"Wait, your mom can really set up a whole gender reveal party by this weekend? You know I have Annie's bridal shower and I can't do anything the weekend after," I said.

"Of course she can! You know how my mom is when it comes to parties," he said.

"Yup. For sure," I said. He held out his arms and we hugged for what felt like a good minute. "But we can do a space theme, right?"

"I don't know if she can pull of something that elaborate, but we can try," he said.

"We really could just find out right now and avoid all that nonsense," I said.

"Don't bet on it," he said, making his way towards the minivan.