Arnkatla's Semi Heroic Quest(s)

Put That Thing Away!

Finally, the rough part's over, now all we have to do is open the chest and finish the puzzle inside, I have no idea what the puzzle is gonna be about but I'm not too worried about it since Radioactive Mind is so smart that he'll probably breeze through it. I made a vortex and took us all back to Funkytown, Iceland as soon as the elves handed the key to us so I'll be able to fight Ms. Lionfang as soon as we can get WAGED. Neb looks pretty sad right now, I'm not sure why since the toughest part of our journey is over and he didn't even cry when Radioactive Mind snapped his spine in two. I asked him what the deal was and he told me they were tears of joy, I had trouble believing that since his facial expression makes him look really sad, I guess that's just the way he is. I put the key of badassery into the chest of epicness and it just popped open like it was spring loaded. There was a layer of paper inside with a question on it that said "Q: How many fucks could a chucklefuck give if a chucklefuck could give a fuck? A:" I have no idea what that means so I called Radioactive Mind out. He looked just as confused as I was which worried me a little since he's the smartest of us all and if he can't figure it out then who can? He stared at it for like ten minutes before taking the charcoal from my bag and writing "4" in the answer section. The text disappeared out of nowhere and I asked how he knew the answer was four, he just told me that "it said the word fuck four fucking times, it's an alliteration" whatever that means. I don't think I've ever heard him swear like that before but it's getting hard to focus on small things like that because my chest just started killing me for like no reason.

The text within the chest of epicness had vanished in a fraction of a second, leaving Dragon, Neb, Arnkatla and Radioactive Mind in a state of momentary suspense. Just then, swirls of ink manifested themselves atop the paper which lined the mythical trunk's interior, they merged to form letters, creating yet another question, the text read: answer with yes or no only, Q: are you embarrassed that you still shit yourself in your sleep? 

A:

"What the hell's that s'posed to mean? That's not a question! That's bullshit! No pun intended..." Neb exclaimed. The others had turned to face Radioactive Mind in hopes that he held the answer once again, he had shrugged with a scowl, he was clueless. They blankly stared at the question for what felt to them like three more minutes before Radioactive Mind jolted with surprise "I've got it!" he said before using the charcoal to write the words yes or no only in the answer segment. "Go figure, this thing was designed by a buncha smartass sunsa bitches!" Neb exclaimed with a light chuckle. The text had enacted its prior routine of vanishing before eventually reappearing in a different form, it read: be honest Q: do you deserve the Wicked Awesome Giga Epic Dragon (W.A.G.E.D) 

A:

"Okay, this is stupid" Arnkatla said as she yanked the charcoal from the hand of Radioactive Mind. She then wrote yes, shut the hell up and give it to me in the answer section...Nothing happened "oh crap..." Neb mumbled, inching away from the chest in fear of the worst. It then began to hum ominously before unleashing a spectacle of medium azure light and sparks before slowly shifting back into the Paragon of Magic "FUUUUUUUUUCK!!!" Arnkatla yelled into the sky as she dropped to her knees. Just then, a sudden cracking sound echoed throughout Funkytown's walls before a jet black three headed Dragon manifested afront Arnkatla and the others, each head was drastically different in structure from the others. The smallest of them vaguely resembled Radioactive Mind, the largest resembled Screwface and the other of course took on the form of Elec-Trick. The dragon was an imposing eleven metres long, roughly the same size of the late Hallbera and possessed stunningly sharp purple fins which spanned the length of the beast. "I can make time flow eight times slower for fifteen seconds, rewind time by ten seconds, freeze time for five seconds, each of these abilities have a twenty five second cooldown. I can freeze one person or object in place for as long as I please. I can turn a person into an embryo but only one person at a time, that is all I have to say" WAGED said in a cool tone, when the three heads spoke in unison, the air shook around them. "Well, that's a lot to work with" Dragon said with a bewildered facial expression, taking a step away from the imposing creature, Arnkatla wished no further delays as she felt that her injuries would soon become crippling. She manifested a whirling luminescent azure vortex afront her feet and egregiously set off within, spontaneously transferring herself to the Westminster academy's towering front entrance. Each step which led to the limestone porch was chipped and weathered from their age "Ms. Lionfang, I'm here to have my curse removed, c'mon, I know you're listening" Arnkatla asserted. On cue, Ms. Lionfang disembarked from a light azure swirling vortex roughly ten metres from Arnkatla "alright, release your paragon's fighters" Ms. Lionfang said, withdrawing her paragon of magic from a hidden compartment mounted to her cumbersome utility belt. "WAGED, kill them" Arnkatla said, as commanded, WAGED emerged from Arnkatla's paragon of magic.

"Put that thing away! I never said you could use that!" Ms. Lionfang demanded, referring to WAGED who had widened its stance in preparation for the upcoming skirmish. "Hell no! I got this damn thing fair and square so I fully intend to use it! If you think otherwise you can suck a fat one!" Arnkatla exclaimed in rebuttal, gesturing for WAGED to engage Lionfang's three combatants. He obeyed, freezing the enemy Elec-Trick in place, reverting the Screwface to his foetal state and firing a tightly concentrated purple beam of plasma at the enemy Radioactive Mind. Arnkatla rushed to seal the fate of her two incapacitated opponents using her alchemest's magic to unleash unto them a volley of laser bolts. Radioactive Mind had dodged WAGED's attack through means of diving away from the academy's rigid staircase and Arnkatla had conjured yet another vortex to transport herself to the school's flat roof. "Stop cheating!" Ms. Lionfang commanded, pointing a finger accusingly at the Wicked Awesome Giga Epic Dragon.

"Why don't you get over here and MAKE ME!?" Arnkatla yelled, peppering Ms. Lionfang's minimal silver armour with flints fired from her alchemist's wand, nearly half of the chipped stones found themself beneath her skin as WAGED had frozen time for just 1 second to ensure the attack was successful. Not much had prevented him from halting the flow of time for the potential full 5 second duration but he knew only 1 would suffice. Just then, the enemy Radioactive Mind had vaulted over the academy's low hanging gutters to stand atop the roof to face Arnkatla before immediately drenching her body with his deadly acid. Her organs quickly liquified alongside her flesh and bones, reducing her to a pile of steaming goo.

She was finished.

Acting quickly, WAGED rewound time by ten seconds, undoing the unfortunate strike which befell Arnkatla and returning the enemy Radioactive Mind to his prior position on the ground. He attempted to take hold of the gutters once again but not before WAGED fired yet another laser bolt at Radioactive Mind's eye, finishing him "now, undo the curse, you're beaten" Arnkatla demanded.

"No! You used a Wicked Awesome Giga Epic Dragon! That's not fair!" Ms. Lionfang rebutted with a bloody cough, her lungs and heart had been impaled by several flints.

"Newsflash bitch, life ain't fair, now undo the bloody curse before I beat you dead" Arnkatla asserted, taking a step closer to Ms. Lionfang, Simon's traits were starting to bleed through. "I'm done, you're all set" Ms. Lionfang said, Arnkatla utilised her alchemist's knife to finally mend her wounds, they had vanished within seconds and the feeling was liberating. She took a deep breath, something she hadn't done in a while on account of her formerly punctured lung and because of her eye, her depth perception had returned.

One chapter remains. The prequel is finally coming to a close which is ironic because initially, I wanted to finish this before starting "Arnkatla Meets The Highlander". Complications arose which caused the creation of this to be delayed.