My personal diary

CHAPTER-6

09.05.24

I feel good that atleast she is happy. She talks to me whenever she wants or when her mood is good or better and ignores me when she doesn't want to. It is like she is fighting an inner turmoil. She can't seem to figure out whether she wants to let me in or not.
She talks to me whenever she doesn't have anyone to talk to. Then suddenly ignores me.

13.05.24

Maybe I just have a bad personality.

15.05.24

Oh my god, the water is going to come out like a waterfall from eyes. Just one small movement and everything is going to crash. Just one second and..
She is looking at me, what should I do?

I was very emotional at that time, my group or whom I called my group of friends gave me a lot of " emotional abuse".

They didn't even know they were hurting me, I guess.

Today I sat with them, I thought I was their emotional dumping bag. When one girl talked to me, the other waited for me to listen after that girl.

The shy girl I told you about that considered herself a popular girl, has a very big EGO.

She talked to me that you are the one that doesn't even want to join our group, that you were the one that broke the group.

BITCH, tell me one freaking thing, when you guys showed me attitude that you were above me. Then why the heck would I want to join you or MY!! friends. I don't need negativity just to be "POPULAR" like YOU!!. You think that you are the only freaking pretentious kind, little, miss innocent but you are freaking NOT.

You never even attempted to talk to me. You started talking to me again as Sanah wanted to talk to me the most. Now you think you will become popular as I get along with boys. But whenever you talk to them, I always try not to talk to the boys as you should not feel insecure.

Then you say you don't talk to us whenever the boys are talking.

She had the audacity to say that you don't know what we talked about, as you left us and when I talk to them, she is freaking angry. 

Then she wanted to talk to me the whole day because Sanah was out.

I am just ranting, I don't have a grudge against her but why is she two-faced. When she talks to me, it is different and when she talks to the boys it is different.

It really hurt me how she talked about me. When I was suffering alone. After a few days, she says you don't know me or Sanah like before.

..........

Today someone said that my thoughts were very confusing.

.........
He freaking said that you only understood me the best. He said " I have a different bond with you. I can talk to you wholeheartedly and tell you anything."

At first I thought that he was a very extroverted person so he was just trying to be like what he was with every person.
But no I denied the claims, I said that he has that kind of bond with everyone.
I tried to say the same thing every time but he said, no it is not like everybody else.

When I reached my house door, I was trying to breath but the freaking breath was caught in my throat. I couldn't take it out. I was trying to hold my breath for as long as I could, so I could see if this was real.

I can't even imagine that what I used to read on books would truly be my reaction. I could freaking catch my breath. I was so happy.

And also!!!, he freaking noticed that my hair were first tied and then after 4 hours, he asked me why my hair open now. He noticed something about me.

Whenever I talk to him, I look at him very deeply. Nowadays as the days go by his habit has also been changed, he also tries to look at me whenever I start talking.

16.05.24

I don't understand my friend group, they are doing everything to become popular.

The shy girl laughed at a boy's lousy joke.
I have never seen her laugh in such a manner. It is okay if you want to be friends with the boy or anything else. But atleast don't ruin our friend group. Today one girl asked the boys if we come in their friend group. The boy said no, why do they don't listen. Honestly, now I don't even care. I will just sit and watch this play out even if they burn in their own glory.

By the way, today he said let's go outside and talk for a bit but I refused as I am a "respectable girl", damn why did I have to refuse his offer.