Queen of Nothing

8. What Have You Done To Her

Keeping true to her word, Lily stayed away from Cole the following weeks. She didn't engage with him, ignored him if he ever approached her. For a few weeks, I had Cole back to myself. Not that he was ever mine to begin with.

It felt good, to plan homecoming with him, to figure out what colors we wanted to wear, how we wanted to coordinate. But something was still off, and I knew it as well as he did. He was distracted, more quiet, and I'd wished more than anything that I had the ability to read his mind. 

One day he was affectionate, the next day he was withdrawn and if he was going through something he didn't say anything about it. 

The conversation flowed more than the sex. And normally, this would have thrilled me, but Cole showed his appreciation for me through sex. As bad as it sounded, I felt my best when he complimented my body in its most vulnerable form, when he wanted me even if it was based purely off of attraction.

I wracked my brain to find out what was causing the tension if it wasn't Lily. There was a part of me that hinged on the idea that I could have underestimated the infatuation he felt for Lily. A largely selfish part of me tried to tune it out, the forte of whatever they had established. 

I told myself that the school year was was almost over, that I just needed him to act right until I secured homecoming court. And then I'd book that one way ticket to New York City, leave all of this behind.

I didn't want any part of this life. Not even a little bit. 

After that, Cole was free to do what he pleased. 

So when he started initiating the physical side with declining frequency, I couldn't help but feel that something was still wrong. I knew full well that he wasn't interested in wanting a relationship with me, It wasn't that Cole suddenly wanted a relationship with me, it was that the seriousness of what we had had been diminished altogether. And I couldn't figure it out, for the life of me.

He'd stopped asking me to go over to his place as much, which was disappointing considering I'd hoped to catch a glimpse of Milo, to see how they fit together so I could reconcile the whole 'brothers' thing better in my head. But any time that I was over at the Callahan pad, Milo was nowhere to be seen. Besides exchanging glances in passing at school, Milo had almost ceased to exist in my life, after that night we spent ducking and running from squad cars.

Which only left me more and more time to catastrophize about the state of Cole and I.

I thought about Cole Zara, Katie and I were dress shopping. Homecoming was the next weekend, and Cole had suddenly gone AWOL, as he did this close to game day. So it fell on me to ensure that we both went in one piece, with coordinating outfits and corsages and whatnot.

I'd never waited this long to buy a dress, but after going nearly bankrupt paying off whatever bills my mother hadn't gotten to in time, I kept putting the event off.

Zara and Katie had secured theirs long ago, and I chalked the delay up to not having found anything that was noteworthy enough to buy. I prayed that they would believe the lie, while I scrambled to find boutiques that even had anything left.

Zara had disappeared long ago, in search of a soft pretzel and a cool drink, while I ambled through the racks of the bridal store, looking for something that was just the right amount of revealing but classy. I found a little red piece that made my collarbones look lovely, with a length that hit my mid thigh. It cinched me in the right places and flowed beautifully at the end.

I knew guys liked red. Red was sexy, it was hot. It was captivating, alluring even.

"No way is Cole going to resist you in that" Zara commented, having reappeared with a drink, "Shit, even I'm tempted." She reached out to playfully tap me on the ass and I let out a small smile. She was in a playful mood today, and I was frankly not up to ruining that, no matter how much she got on my nerves.