Queen of Nothing

10. Homecoming Part 2

The music had gotten frustratingly loud, and as the moments passed, I could feel the buzz of Dean's fireball creep up on me. Katie and I stuck close to the group as classmates approached to make polite small talk, and I found it increasingly difficult to keep up the persona as I dodged and weaved between topics. Thankfully, Cole wasn't mentioned even once, seeing as it would have taken great effort to evade the topic.

Zara, on the other hand, was dancing with Dean, looking more alive than I'd ever seen her whenever she was around Jack. Jack had opted to not come to homecoming in a half-assed ploy to keep Zara from going, and ordinarily, she would have fallen for it. 

But homecoming at Crestwood was the event of the year, even bigger than prom, and even Jack wouldn't be able to stop her. Zara and Dean were cut from the same cloth, and at the moment, Katie was eyeing them as if she wanted to punch right through. 

I squeezed her hand. She turned to me, to smile, before the amusement slipped from her face, her eyes going wide. I frowned as she gestured behind me, 

"Look." 

I turned, mostly confused, before my stomach dropped even further, as if that could have been possible. 

Lily Hayes had shown up to homecoming, in a white babydoll silk dress that nearly blinded me. Her auburn ringlets were done up with her signature bow, making her look like something that walked straight out of a fairytale, her makeup simple and enchanting. Lily Hayes was a goddamn sight to behold, and it didn't matter that I was wearing Cole's favorite color, or that I was Mahi Dasari, reigning Queen of Crestwood High. Because Cole's eyes were only on Lily, and he stared, dumbstruck. Frankly, even my eyes were on her, because I wondered what magic she'd sewn into her dress, the way it moved and glistened. 

I felt sick to my stomach. 

"The dress isn't...that good," Katie commented, in a well-intentioned effort to cheer me up, "like in what world could she pull of what you're wearing?" 

"No world," I snickered, but my heart wasn't in it, knowing full well that Lily Hayes was the type of beautiful to make any dress come alive. 

She turned, clearly searching the crowd for someone, anyone. The gesture pulled at my conscious, knowing full well that I was the reason for her coming alone. I'd asked her to stay away from Cole, but in the process, I'd cut her off from everyone at Crestwood. 

Something melted in me, and I contemplated approaching her, knowing full well that it would be a sign of my defeat. 

She turned, and her expression changed, became pained. When I followed her gaze to see what had caused the reaction, I felt it again, the ugly thing prowling underneath my skin, felt the beginnings of a meltdown. Lily and Cole were locked into something that I couldn't decipher, its intensity staggering and overwhelming for even me to witness. Meanwhile, I was battling all manner of demons trying to survive her from ripping out of my skin and causing a scene. 

I'd read stories, concocted daydreams, dreamed my entire life to know what it was like to experience it, the look of love. 

And here I was, as an outsider looking in. Suddenly, I wanted to rip out of my skin, run in the other direction screaming, crying, something to let it all out, relieve myself of the anguish that was building inside. 

Cole. My Cole. My first. The first person I'd ever confided in. The only person that promised to never let me go. The only person that actually followed through. 

I knew the reality of us was doomed. Cole was too noble to let me go, and yet he did a shoddy job of hiding his resentment. I became a vacant thing for him, someone to call whenever he was horny, while he nurtured all these big feelings for Lily in secret. He was always one to stand by his promises, even if he executed them very poorly. He wouldn't pursue Lily, not in the way he wanted to, as long as I was in the way.