The Girl in the Locket

Chapter Twenty Five

James held my hand as we made our way back to the hotel. I felt like it was our first date again. The date that made me change my mind about him in the first place. He was kind, sweet and most importantly a gentleman. I looked up at him, my eyes on his. I loved this man, it may not always be in the way I should, but it didn't take away from the fact that I adored him.

We walked up the stairs, James's hand on my rear. I pushed his hand away, shy to the fact that there were people watching. The lobby was quiet yet busy, people stood still with open mouths, some whispering. I rushed forward in panic letting James hand go. I made my way quickly to the front of the crowd hoping nothing bad had happened while we were away. My thoughts rushed to the children.

"Sam wait" James shouted after me.

As I moved through the little cluster of people I could see the elevator, doors open. Marie and her girlfriend were in a heated and passionate embrace. They had no idea that they were being watched. I felt so bad for them. I reached out and pushed the bag into the elevator.

"There you go" I whispered.

Marie turned around, her lipstick slightly smudged, her girlfriend's stomach and chest covered in it. Marie gasped as the door began to shut. I looked at her face, why was she looking at me like that?! I looked behind her at the girlfriend, not just taking in her body but her face. She was drunk, that much was obvious. She looked up in a haze. As the doors squeezed shut a horrible realisation hit me...I knew that girl.

...

Six months ago

The doctor handed me my baby girl. She was perfect. Ten adorable toes, eight little fingers and two perfect thumbs. James leant down and kissed me on the lips.

"Oh Honey, she's perfect"

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was a pink little ball of perfection.

"She looks like you" I told James, smiling.

"Are you kidding?!" He said with a deep chuckle "Sam she has your nose, your mouth and your ears. Clark looks more like me I reckon" He laughed.

She suddenly wriggled, her little mouth pouting, and her sweet little lips so small and adorable. Her nose wrinkled up and she began to open her eyes. She looked up to me and James, and it was like lightening hit. I loved her. I loved her so much it hurt. Again, for the second time in my life I was meeting the soul I had carried and created. It was different than with Clark though. Clark had been a huge surprise that I hadn't anticipated or ever planned for. With Clark I had stared at her for days in a state of complete shock, wonder, love and a hell of a lot of fear. Fear overrode my maternal instinct at first, but then of course days passed and as our eyes finally met there it was, love, and a fierce feeling of protection. I had to protect her at all costs. It had been hard for James to even find a place in our family at that point. It was a confusing time for all of us, becoming a family so quickly and without years of experience with each other to fall back on. It had all fallen into place as soon as we realised Clark was ours and we, hers. Marriage had secured that for us. For me it made me feel secure at the time.

"Look at those eyes, eyes your Momma gave you" James whispered.

He was right about that, there was no mistaking the large almond shaped eyes.

He reached out and took her in his arms, kissing her hands which were held tight like fists. "So what shall we name her Clark?" he asked, not taking his eyes from the baby.

Clark was nestled under my arm with her hands in a packet of goldfish, stuffing them hungrily into her mouth. She paused for a second, thinking it over. "Bea" she declared.

I hadn't realised it was the tattoo on my wrist that had prompted her answer. Not until later.

I sat up and adjusted myself. James passed her back, and once again I looked down into those sweet little eyes. "Your names Bea" I whispered lovingly to her. "Nice to meet you Bea"

"Our little Bea. I like it" James agreed.

Clark placed her index finger into Beas small pink hand. Bea gripped it tight. "She likes me Momma. Bea likes me" She was thrilled. Clark had told me it was a baby girl from day dot, more wishful thinking then anything I think, but here she now was.

Bea changed everything, and not just mine and James's relationship through the pregnancy but my flashbacks. They started getting worse through pregnancy. I would go to sleep and in my dreams Bea was born, but not to me, to the girl in the locket. She held her in her arms like she was hers. It got so bad that I dug up the shoebox and took the locket out. I stared into that girls face for hours just willing her to reveal herself to me, and who she was. Then I would go back to sleep and will her into my dreams. I had to remember her.

Tonight as James went home with Clark and Bea went off to sleep in her crib at the hospital, I felt peaceful. I felt found. I didn't care who the girl in the locket was. I had to bury her again. The thing was though, I couldn't control what my unconscious would spring on me.

As I fell deeply into sleep I began to panic. I was back on the boat. Pain seared through my body and I was falling. I hit something in the water and it smacked my head. I began to pass out, but not before hearing her scream. The waves were strong and they carried the raft away quickly, just like it was a rubber ring. I saw her though. She jumped in after me, and then I was gone.

I awoke hot and sweaty, screaming. A nurse ran in to the room.

"Are you okay hon" She asked, as she checked on Bea in her crib.

"I'm so sorry. I had a nightmare" I told her, wiping the sweat from my forehead. I gulped on the glass of water by the bed.

"No problem hon, it's probably your mind processing this new little life you have. Anxiety dreams are the worst, they say you dream mostly about who and what you love, or what you fear. They are a way of telling you things, and letting you know what your heart is hiding from you. The next one will be better you will see"

I smiled as she left the room. I slouched down back into the bed and closed my eyes.

The dream that followed was one I had not had before, it felt nice, and comforting. She was there again, the girl in locket, with her arms wrapped around my waist. Her smile was infectious. Her eyes were like honey, warm buttery honey. She leant in to me, and softly her lips touched mine, the sensation was nothing I had felt before, and her skin was so soft. As she leant back a rapture of claps and whistles filled the air. She leant back and looked around us, and I followed her gaze. A group of people were all smiling back at us, all except one woman, she had short shaven hair, and she looked at me blankly. I blinked and she was gone. I felt myself fall then, and she reached out to grab me, the girl in the locket. She tried so hard, but no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't reach me. This time I woke up sobbing, like someone had died. I couldn't catch my breath through the tears streaming down my face.

That first week back at home with Bea was hard. I felt an overwhelming feeling rushing through my veins all the time. I felt so angry about the dream, it felt so real, her kiss it felt so real. It drove me mad. I was meant to be focusing on my new-born, and my eldest daughter who was adjusting to not being the centre of my universe. My poor husband too, needed my attention, and yet she haunted me, the girl in the locket haunted me still. I finally broke one night. Bea was crying her eyes out, I couldn't settle her, and Clark had told me what a bad Momma I was because I wouldn't play go fish with her. She had stormed off in tears herself. I knew they were both sensing my unrest. Clark knew something was wrong. I felt like the worst Momma alive. I knew it had to end. I took the locket out into the yard and threw it as hard as I could. I saw it fly into the pond at the bottom of the garden. I rushed over and looked over the edge. Bea was now quiet, and Clark had soothed herself and returned to my thigh, wrapping her small arms around me sweetly. I watched the locket sink slowly out of reach into the dark depths. She was gone.