Life after Jordan

Your Gone but Your Still Here

I wake up cuddled to the couch. I try to pull my cover over me but it won't budge. I sit up and see Brody laying down. His head is beside my feet and his feet are at my head.

"Damn it." I mumble to myself as I move onto my knees.

I put my hands on the armrest beside his head and throw one knee over him onto the couch. He stirs in his sleep and turns so he's laying on his back. I gasp at the sudden contact and he starts to wake up.

Before I can successfully move my other knee, Brody grabs my hips and yawns.

"Ya know pretty girl this is a great way to wake up." He says in a very sexy morning voice.

"I was just trying to move without waking you up." I say fast.

"Well I'm very awake." He says before releasing my hips.

I stand up fast and walk to my room. I slide out of my clothes and put on a pair of shorts and a tank top. I slide my slippers on and walk to the kitchen to fix some supper.

"You want something?" I ask Brody from the kitchen.

"Whatcha cooking, good looking?" He says as he walks in the kitchen.

"I'm thinking some chili." I say as I grab 2 cans.

"Chili from a can? I guess make me some too." He says with a smirk.

"Okay. You won't even know it's from a can when I get done with it." I say as I open the cans and them in a pan on the stove.

"Okay. So when are you gonna tell me about that ring?" He asks as I season the chili.

"When I actually know more about you." I say as I put the spices up.

"You know my life story Emma. Come on tell me." He complains.

"God you and your sister are just alike." I say frustrated with his persistency.

"I know. She's my little sister of course were alike."

"Obviously."

"Now please tell me so I can mend your broken heart." He says a I turn to look at him with raised eyebrows.

"It's not fixable right now." I say calmly.

"Well then let me try to fix it." He says as he slowly walks to me.

"His name was Jordan." I say fast as I step away.

"Okay I have a name. Now, how did it happen?" He asks as he moves closer.

"Explosion." I say before I turn around to stir the chili.

"How long ago?"

"6 months."

Brody doesn't say anything but I feel his presence close to me. I pull the spoon out of the chili and sit it in the bowl. Brody spins me around and pulls me into a tight hug. Even though I'm shocked, I wrap my arms around him and notice that he's built like Jordan. He even smells like him. I drown in the familiarity of it all. Brody let's go of me with one arm and turns the chili off then returns his arm around me. I'm so short he can rest his chin on my head.

"I'm not gonna make a move on you any more. I'll wait." He says suddenly.

"Okay." I say as I listen to his heart beat. It was strong and steady just as Jordan's once was. The thump calmed my nerves.

"So let's try this delicious canned chili." He says with a deep chuckle.

We pull away and I grab both bowls and put some cheese and crackers in the bottom. I split the chili equally and stir them before walking to the table and sitting a bowl down in front of Brody. I sit down across from him and watch as he eats the first bite.

"Oh my goodness. This really doesn't taste like canned chili. Your a really good cook. I'm moving in." He announces.

"Well thank you." I say with a smile.

We eat the rest of our meal in silence. When we get done I rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.

"So I'm gonna go to bed. If you need anything just wake me up." I say to Brody as I walk to the living room.

"Okay. Thanks Emma." He says with a small smile.

"Your welcome Brody." I smile back.

I walk to my room and lay down. I hear the couch as Brody moves on it. I don't know how long I laid there and tossed and turn as my restless thoughts wouldn't let me sleep.

"Damn it." I sigh. I forgot to give Brody a pillow and a blanket. I stand up and grab a pillow off the other side of my bed. I grab the comforter from the closet and walk to the living room to see Brody passed out.

I walk over to the couch and sit in the edge. I gently lift his head and put the pillow under it. I wait a moment so I don't wake him up, then I pull the little throw off of him. I lay the comforter on top of him. I pull the chain on the fan so it's on high.

I walk back to my room and lay down. I turn onto my side and look at where Jordan would be laying if he was here. I reach my hand out and even though I see he's not there, I almost expect him to. I grab the bear he got me and I cuddle it to me. It still smells like him.

"Even though your not here, your still here. Why can't I just be happy?" I whisper to no one in particular. I've gotten use to crying at night. When the memory of everything thats happened in this bed and everything reminds me of him gets too much, I cry like a baby.

Tonight was different though. I wasn't just sad that he was gone. I was mad that he left me alone. I was mad cause everything reminded me of him. He's gone 6 months and I can still hear him telling me he loves me or that I left something on. I can still see him laying in this bed. I can feel him around me.

"How could you just up and leave Jordan? How could you!" I yell as I throw my bear. The sobs return and I ball up and let the pain over take my body until I can't breathe anymore.

I take deep breaths, but nothing I do helps. The tears run down my face and I sob even harder. The air is going in my body but not into my lungs. I close my eyes as I hear my door open. I can't open my eyes though. I still can't breathe.

I feel the bed sink in and the familiar smell enters my nose.

"Emma listen to me. You've got to breathe." I hear an unfamiliar voice say. The hyperventilating continues though.

"Please Emma. In through your nose out through your mouth!" The voice yells. I panic and the breath I was about to take stops and I cough. When the coughing subsides I try to get a hold of myself.

When the person realizes I still can't breathe, they place their lips on mine and breathe out. I feel the air fill my lungs. The person pulls away and I breathe out slowly. I grab my chest as I feel the calmness soothe me.

I take several deep breathes. The person pulls me into a tight hug.

"Thank you." I mutter after a while as the sleep passes over me.

"Thank god your okay." The voice says.

I pull back and open my eyes.

"I'm so sorry Brody. I didn't mean to wake you." I say as my cheeks heat up.

"I'm glad you did. I was worried sick about you. I heard you yell but didn't think much of it until I heard crying." He says.

"Well thank you." I say as I lay down on my back and wipe my face.

Brody lays down in Jordan's spot and my heart breaks. I feel the tears in my eyes but I bite my tongue and force them down.

Brody pulls the cover over us and he gets comfortable. He lays on his back and puts his arms behind his head.

"You don't have to stay. I'll be okay." I say quietly.

"Emma I'm not taking my chances. I'm staying here to keep an eye on you. I told you earlier I wasn't going to make a move on you." He says without looking at me.

"Okay." I say as I turn around and fall asleep to the sound of Brody's deep breathes.