Infinite.

Audrey's World.

This chapter is written in Audrey's point of view. It maybe a trigger for some but it's a very soft description of her depression.

Side note.

Depression does not have a specific look. Sometimes people can look you in the eyes and smile when they're literally dying inside. Kindness goes a long way. Smile at a stranger, defend those who are bullied. Be the change the world needs.

Lisa.

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Audrey's world.

"Nothing is infinite." I said that to her once. I was dead wrong. There is only one thing that lives on forever, love. You can love someone and carry that with you indefinitely. Years after, the way someone loved you sticks with you. A mother's love to a child, the way you love a pet, and your first real love. Millions of people write books about it, songs, movies, and poems. Love is the only thing that consistently carries on through time. Love is infinite.

I lost it all, her touch, her smile, her loving words and her caring heart. I had found someone that filled this empty house and made it a home. I had found someone that filled my empty life and gave it meaning. She mended something broken in me. She found me at my lowest. I was drunk every night. I partied with people who called themselves my friends and I did a lot of things that I regret. At one point I was drugged and raped. I became utterly and emotionally numb to the world. I had only been out of the hospital for a month when my friends asked me to go out that night. They say when you're at your lowest that's when you find your light. That's when I was dared to talk to her. On some fucked up drunken dare I met the woman I would fall in love with. I met a beautiful sunlight in all of my darkness.

She was beautiful. Her chocolate eyes and her dark brown hair fit her complexion perfectly. Her eyes were as warm as her heart. The attraction caught me off guard that first night. It only intensified from there. She was driven and ambitious. Yeah, she didn't have money but that didn't matter to me. She was rich in ways that I couldn't comprehend. She knew what love was and how to give it. She knew how to be kind and classy without the upbringing that life had provided for me. She was the kind of natural beauty that everyone wanted, but most just paid for. I love her but I let her go. I fucked it up.

I always fuck up.

Because I'm worthless.

I make it impossible for people to love me because I can't love me.

I hate myself.

Because I'm a failure.

I've failed my family.

I failed her.

I fail at everything I do.

Even killing myself.

I felt the darkness of my room engulfing me. I was alone again. I tried to get out of bed to shower but my body failed me yet again. I hadn't taking my medicine in days. My prescription had run out and getting more would mean seeing my therapist and talking through these feelings.

"She's gone." I said out loud.

"My parents are gone."

"I'm alone again."

I knew how crazy I sounded. In my bed completely alone and talking to myself. If someone had been listening outside my bedroom door they would have definitely called a doctor. But that wasn't going to happen because I'm alone.

Completely and utterly alone.

My stomach rumbled and reminded me that I haven't eaten in a few days. I looked around my bedroom only to find darkness. My eyes found the clock sitting on my dresser. Seven thirty in the morning.