Cookie

42

"You need to eat something, cookie," Liam says a few hours later when we are alone in the house. 

Mom had to go to work, she will get some days off, but today she had things to take care of. Apparently, life doesn't stop spinning just because you're husband lied to you for 20 years. 

After crying all my tears socking up Liam's shirt, after screaming until my throat started hurting like hell, I managed to just stay in bed with Liam and stare at the wall in front of me. I keep thinking about dad, replaying so many memories in my mind that somehow now make sense. I remember Tiffany in high school at the Father-Daughter Ball where she came alone, while Criss and I had dad by our side. She even came asking for a dance with dad, but Criss showed her off making fun of her. 

 "Of course you can't have a dance with my dad, you idiot. Go dance with the handyman" she said and we laughed. Fuck, even dad laughed. He laughed even if he knew Tiffany would probably cry herself to sleep that night because she had all the right to dance with dad.

I remember when I found dad and Lily at the grocery store fighting about something, even though they never talk to each other at any event. I never saw them saying 'hi' to each other, but they were fighting and looking so familiar with each other. 

"She said I blocked her car" dad said once she walked away after seeing me. "She's crazy and mean, guess Tiffany takes after her." 

Stupid 16-year-old me didn't ask questions, I didn't even think about this anymore, I completely erased this from my memory.

Or when Criss died and Lilly come to present her condolences together with Tiffany and they come to me saying how sorry they were for my loss. Tiffany grabbed my hand squeezing it so hard that I thought she was trying to hurt me, but her words shocked me.

"You're not alone, Nataly. I am y..." 

"She's not, she has her parents," dad said coming in and cutting Tiffany off. In all the pain and the grief, I couldn't even begin to understand the words that come out of my mouth.

"Thank you, Tiffany. I have indeed both my mom and my dad to support me."

Looking back no wonder she only started to hate me even more. Hell, even I hate myself now for all the time I just showed off my amazing family in front of her. Of course, before she left she whispered to my ear "You're not two anymore and you're precious little family will go down. In the meantime, I promise, you're going to regret that you were the one left alive." 

Tiffany hated me for having her father when she never had a chance to him, she hated me and Criss for always seeing us with her dad and he would reject her at any point. She never had him at any event for her, he always came to events for us. When we finished high school he came with two huge bouquets of roses, one for each of us, while she received nothing at all, even if she finished first from our year. 

I don't understand why my mind keeps spinning and spinning around Tiffany, why I feel so bad for how dad treated her, how I treated her. I hate my father for how he treated mom, me, everyone involved in this joke of a family, but I hate him the most for what he did to Tiffany, for how he dared to put a 6-year-old girl in the situation of seeing her father and wouldn't be able to talk to him. I hate him for not being man enough to take of his all three daughters. 

"Baby..." Liam says cupping my face between his big hands. "Baby, please don't cry again, you are going to get sick... Let's go get something to eat and then we can go take a walk, ok?"

"I can't..." my voice sounds rough, my throat hurts when I speak and how I feel is worst. 

"Tell me what can I do to make it better?" Liam asks moving so now he's facing me, our eyes locked together, worry and sadness washing over him.