{acatalepsy}

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today,
on july twenty sixth,
twenty twenty-one,
my mother died.

no,
she didn't die.
no,
she didn't commit suicide.
no,
she hasn't left.
no,
she wouldn't leave.

but,
she's broken me
inside out.

now i'm left with nothing
other than my ashes burnt,
residing in my hand
like yesterday's curse
that she has bestowed upon me.

it wasn't a blessing,
i'm not a blessing
it was a curse,
i am a curse.

my mother.
feels like a sudden storm in summer.
it isn't meant to be there.
is it?

my mother.
feels like the odd veggie in a box of chocolate.
it isn't meant to be there.
is it?

my mother.
feels like a curse.
it isn't meant to be there.
is it?

she has broken me,
inside out.

my ashes are with me,
they're with her too
the only difference is
i'm crying with them in my hand
while she's rejoicing like they're not even there in her hand.

my mother.
is dead.

no,
she didn't die.
no,
she didn't commit suicide.
no,
she hasn't left me.

but,
she's broken me
inside out.

now that i'm standing here
with no one beside me
i feel like i need to get a good night's sleep
with no one behind me.

but i can't,
i'm sick of my life.

a good long sleep sounds good,
right?

so i'll be gone.
and nothing would change.
nothing would be fine.
nobody would care.

my mother.
i want to go hug her.
i'm crying because of her.
i want to tell her everything's fine with me.
she wouldn't know it isn't,
would she?

my mother.
is dead.

but she's not.
because how can she?
when i'm the one she killed with no mercy?

✦✦✦

-about-

written: july 26, 2021

this is a poem that i wrote a few days back. long story short, this is imaginary.
nothing here is real, this isn't about me.
most mothers in this world are amazing and good. but some are not.
i've written this about 'some' of those mothers.
i was, and still am, very sceptical about publishing this poem, because i'm not sure this would be liked. but the only reason i've even made this poetry collection is to be able to express my imagination freely and without any judgement.
this isn't written to hurt anyone, this is only my imagination.

-anyways, thanks for reading, people!! do vote and comment if you liked it-

✦✦✦

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