The Summer Deal

Six - Honey-pie munchkin

Noah Jordan's POV:

Last night was terrible.

I met Dennis and his Latin American model fiance, Sasha at a dinner party. Sasha was a beautiful woman with dark brown eyes, long curly black hair, and a visible but small pregnant bump. Her personality was so warm and welcoming that it was hard not to like her. I was happy for my friend. Then I met their parents—Dennis's parents didn't recognize me, which was a little turnoff, but I didn't give it much of a thought while the bride-to-be's folks played the perfect role of hosts to every single person they'd meet. Dennis and I caught up on our old school days. He worked in the IT department of the modeling agency Sasha had a contract with. We shared a bottle of wine, talked about our lives, and laughed a little too loud, which clearly indicated that both of us had enough wine. Unfortunately, being the man of the hour, Dennis couldn't stay with me for the rest of the night, even though he wanted to, and had to attend to other guests. That's when he said the words which ruined my night:

"Hey man, come. Let me introduce you to the other guys."

What happened to society while I was away?

No. No. Not the society.

What happened to the men of Australia while I was away?

Did they make a secret man-pact which I was not aware of? Did they have a sudden hike in their testosterone after they crossed their thirties? Or did they just woke up one morning and decided—'hey! I am done with my single life. Time to grab a woman, wife the shit out of her, and knock her up with so many babies that I'll be miserable till I die!'

Yep. That's right. Every man I met at the party was either married, in a serious relationship, or engaged. And they had kids. Kids everywhere.

Kids are great. Kids are the future of this world. I used to babysit some for extra cash when I was a teenager.

But when a man like me comes home after six long years of service, and he just wants to mingle with guys of his age, those tiny little creatures can be the evil, attention-seeking spawn of the devil himself.

It all started when Dennis introduced me to a bunch of guys at a table. At first, we got along great despite the babies in their arms making a fuss, shitting in their father's hands, or their toddler kids running around everywhere, troubling them in between. It troubled me at first, but then I decided to let it slide. After all, they were kids. They were genetically born to be cute. We talked about sports, general politics, and our careers. I had a good laugh with them too. I even agreed to help one of the guys by holding his son while he cleaned the baby spit off his shirt. It was all rainbows and unicorns until the topic of women and relationships came up.

Forget what I said about the kids. The men needed to get their brains checked.

I had witnessed love and fondness all my life. My father loved my mother until she decided to have a change of heart and let him rot to death. Even many of my comrades used to receive love letters from their significant other.

But what these guys had was madness.

All of them kept rambling about their wives and kids no matter how many times I tried to change the topic.

For instance, I tried to get our conversation about sports back again, and one guy went like...

"Yeah, man. The match was really great. I can't wait for the day when I teach my kid how to hold a bat. Let me tell you about his first laugh..."

Then I tried to talk about the shopping spree I had that day.

"My wife has an amazing collection of shoes! She's a fashion designer and talks about fashion all day. God, I love it when she talks about something she is passionate about."