Seacliff

Chapter four: Edinburgh at a glance

2019

"Do you know what the difference is between a skirt and a kilt?"

Incipient curiosity, amused and expectant, blossomed across the faces of Aidan's audience.

"If you wear something underneath," he proceeded to answer his own question, "it's a skirt."

Laughter rippled through the small group.

"So, which one are you wearing right now?" a brazen tourist's voice piped up.

"Cheeky!" Aidan chided him. "But rest assured, it's a skirt."

Disparate chuckles in the crowd. Aidan let them die out while he pondered how to best phrase his next joke.

"You should know, however," he started in a serious tone, "that it's considered very rude to ask a Scotsman what he's wearing under his kilt. Most don't take kindly to the question, but the best answer I ever got was..." A second of suspense. "The future of Scotland!"

His group cackled in unison. Satisfied by the success of his routine, Aidan moved them along the Royal Mile.

"Do we have any couples here today? About to tie the knot, maybe? No?"

The lack of response did not discourage him. It was something he always had to be ready for in his line of work.

"Well, if you ever plan to bring your intended to Edinburgh, I have some advice."

He stopped and took a step to stand in the middle of the group, clearing the space around him.

"Can everyone see this?"

Small, rectangular slabs of rust-coloured granite broke the monotony of the cobblestoned pavement. They drew a copper-coloured circle within a heart-shaped mosaic on the ground.

"The Heart of Midlothian, this is called." Aidan pointed at the mosaic with the tip of his umbrella. "Looks very pretty, doesn't it? Very romantic. Except it's really not. Passers-by spit on it for luck, but the tradition actually dates back to when they used to execute prisoners here."

A collective gasp of shock.

"So, if you were thinking to drop to one knee here and pop the question," Aidan concluded, adjusting his glasses, "perhaps not."

They continued onwards past St Giles' Cathedral and The Real Mary King's Close, turning left on North Bridge. As they crossed over Waverley Station, Aidan gathered his group round for a story.

Unlike other cities, Edinburgh's fortified walls and the now-lost Nor Loch forced it to grow in height rather than area, becoming a layered, gothic maze. It was this unique layout, Aidan reasoned, flavoured with toxic fumes from the polluted Loch and a strong taste for Scotch among superstitious locals, that used to facilitate faerie and ghost sightings around the citadel.

The Nor Loch was drained in the early nineteenth century to allow the construction of the North Bridge into the New Town. Where the Loch once lay, the Princes Street Gardens were built, which now housed the Scott Monument – affectionately known as the Gothic Rocket – dedicated to Sir Walter Scott.

"The Waverley railway station below us and just across the street from the Gardens," Aidan explained, "was in fact named after Scott's first novel, Waverley. It was a best-seller in its time."

They carried on towards Calton Hill, past the Balmoral hotel. Aidan took the opportunity to let his audience know the hotel's iconic tower clock was in fact three minutes ahead – so that upon seeing it, travellers would rush to catch their trains at Waverley station.

With their destination now in view, he picked up the pace until they reached the steps at the foot of Calton Hill. He climbed them quickly and once they emerged onto a straight path again, Aidan paused for a story to give his group a break.

"So," he said, standing across the road from his weary flock after the slower walkers had caught up, "has anybody here heard of selkies?"