Lost & Found

19: Melancholy

Spending several days sailing across the dark waters of the Euxine Sea gave Xenik too much time to sit with only his own thoughts for company. Inevitability, those thoughts always drifted back to the haunting image of the woman that had saved his life. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see her as if she was sitting right there.

                He'd become obsessed with trying to recreate the lines that covered her skin on parchment. If he could just make a physical copy of the designs, he'd hunt down someone who could tell him what they meant. But no matter how many times he tried, his fingers would not translate the crystal clear image in his mind to the paper before him.

                It was almost as if the gods would not let him create a record of her. Even in the capital city of her kingdom, there hadn't been any books that the innkeeper could find for him on the subject of maenads. But everyone seemed to have a tale to tell about the demonic women that protected the Cithaeron Wilds from intruders.

                Even though all the stories were horrific in nature, everyone that shared a tale with him spoke of the maenads like they were treasured creatures. They were to be feared, but also revered like saints. He'd learned that some of the villages along the edge of the wilds were rumored to leave out sacrifices and offering to the women. Xenik wished that Oskar hadn't returned home so quickly, so he could've asked him if that were really true.

                No one could tell him anything that matched up to what he'd lived through. Not even the hunting party he'd encountered had acted like the women in the stories he was told. They had been intimidating enough, but none of them had seemed like stark raving mad blood thirsty killers.

                Everything he thought of circled back to the fact that she'd been there. The tribe in the woods had tried to kill him, but she intervened. Even the dire wolf that found him alone by the water had been deterred by her.

                Upon landing on the northern shores of the Euxine Sea, he purchased a single horse to carry him the rest of the way home. Hopefully having to focus on steering the stallion in the right direction would keep his obsession from consuming more of his brain.

                Winter was staring to settle in, and the cold was harsher the further north he traveled. It forced him to stop more often than he would've liked. And any time his mind was given the freedom to wonder, it wondered back to her. His dreams consisted solely of her presence now. A haunting reminder of what he'd let slip from his fingers.

                Could he have convinced her to come home with him? He wouldn't have been able to marry her, but most men of nobility kept a mistress or two. He would've devoted himself to her outside of his duty to provide the kingdom a new heir someday. No, he pushed the fantasy away; she would not be happily kept in the shadows.

                A sadness he couldn't explain or abate slowly settled into Xenik. Soon he'd be home and too busy to spend so much time thinking of her. The pleasant memory of one perfect rainy day in a cave would fade from his mind. Eventually she'd barely be a figment of his imagination, a story to fantastical to be believed. It wasn't a comforting thought.

                He'd spent the last year touring through the kingdoms of the continent. There were plenty of women he'd shared a night with, so why was this one so affixed to his thoughts? Yes she was shrouded in mystery and unlike any of the other women, but it's not like he'd charmed her into his bed. It'd been the furthest thing from his mind.

                Had she charmed him? That could be the real truth to maenads. Maybe they didn't rip men to pieces as soon as they saw one. Maybe the ones that didn't hunt in packs made their prey go mad. She could've charmed and enchanted him, an entirely different kind of hunt than what the myths and legends claimed.

                Could she have ensnared him for a more nefarious plot? The women they'd run into, they'd had clothes to give him, but there weren't any men among them that he saw. They couldn't have known he'd get lost in the woods, but they could've stalked him long before he woke up to find her sitting before him.

                Xenik puzzled over the possible scenarios of why she'd spend so much time and effort to save his life, and why she'd become so cold and distant after spending a day wrapped around him. He laughed at the idea that she'd done it all to seduce him and send him back home. But she had kissed him without any indication of appeal for him.

                He was talking himself in circles. None of it mattered anymore. She'd abandoned him, taking her leave as soon as she could pass him off onto someone else. She left and sent him home without an explanation. In fact the last conversation he'd tried to have with her, all she would say to him was "No."

                He thought of her much less after crossing the boarders of his homeland. Every inn he stopped at on the last leg of his journey brought him the concerns and well wishes of his people. If he wasn't helping mediate a problem, he was drinking merrily with them until his exhausted and dazed head hit the pillow.

                The closer he got to the castle and capital city, the easier it was to forget the past few weeks. Soon he'd be back at court with a whole new set of problems to deal with. This year was the Quinquennial and it was his kingdom's turn to host the celebration and resigning of the 200 year old peace treaty.

                There were going to be parties, balls, feasts, ceremonies and events galore. There would also be diplomatic negotiations, trade deals to barter and political issues to address. Not to mention all the ladys and their lady's maids to distract him from his current obsession.

                Still, as he rode up the road to the castle's main gate, his world seemed greyer than he remembered it being when he'd left. It could be the snowfall whitewashing everything around him and obscuring the colors that would return in the spring. But if he was honest with himself, it was because the only colors he looked for anymore was ethereal green glowing eyes and firelight red hair.