Rivers in the Wilderness

25~Look to the Lord for answers

Grace and Leo arrived at the cabin and found everyone minus Janessa gathered around the bathroom door.

Dean's gaze flashed with fear. "She's really sick."

Sounds of vomiting came from the bathroom. It was clear Janessa was violently ill. Grace tapped on the door and called her name, but there was no answer.

Rose appeared worried. "I tried to get her to open the door, but she said she was fine."

Grace knocked again and called Janessa's name. No answer. "How long has she been like this?"

"Fifteen minutes?" Dean glanced around looking for confirmation. His eyes flashed with panic.

"About that," Rose whispered sympathetically.

"She's lost weight. She's pale and sick all the time." Dean gripped the back of his neck, and his gaze shot to Leo. "What's wrong with her? I know she told you."

When Leo didn't answer quick enough Dean's boots ate the distance between them. He lunged for Leo, grabbing his shirt but before Dean could shove him against the wall Grace jumped between them. "Please, this isn't the way," she pleaded, pushing against his chest.

"Tell me. I'm begging you." Dean's voice broke.

Gripping his temples with his fingers, Leo seemed to struggle with indecision, and finally, his eyes met Dean's. "I promised her I wouldn't say anything."

Hearing confirmation that someone knew what was wrong with his girl, Dean flinched. "Is it bad? Can you at least tell me that much?"

Grace stepped forward, taking his hand and surprising Dean. "No, it's not, but you need to hear from Janessa."

"You know too?" His widened, his expression stricken. "Am I the only one who doesn't?"

Mark, Colton, and Peter glanced away unsure what to do. Rose tapped on the bathroom door—once, twice. Nothing. No sounds came from the bathroom.

Peter leaned toward the door, listening. "At least the vomiting stopped."

"Maybe she passed out," Colton said without thinking. He drew back at Rose's frown. "Or she's better."

The toilet flushed and the water turned on.

Mark released a sigh of relief.

The door opened and Janessa slipped out, her gaze fastening on Dean's. "We need to talk." She managed a smile and his chest tightened. "Don't worry I brushed my teeth."

***

Janessa slipped her hand in Dean's, the feel of his skin against hers warming her from within. Leading him outside to the picnic tables, she turned and looked up at him.

"Do you feel well enough for this?" he asked with a cautious glint in his eyes like she might break.

"Oh, Dean," she whispered, praying for words. Dear Lord, forgive me. I don't deserve it, but I need your help. Please.

"Baby, as much as I like hearing you say my name you're scaring me."

A nervous laugh escaped her. "I wish I could say you don't have a reason."

Alarm colored his expression. "Something is wrong with you."

Janessa blinked as his gaze raked over her, searching for answers. "I'm not sick." Tears stung the backs of her eyes. "It's not that."

"Then what is it? Just tell me because whatever it is can't be as bad as what I'm imagining."

"Yes, it can." She lifted her chin and her eyes slammed into his. With a deep breath of courage she blurted, "I'm pregnant."

Janessa wasn't aware she'd closed her eyes until she opened them and saw the Dean's relief. She blinked, sure she'd read his expression wrong but when she looked again his shoulders were relaxed and the fear had vanished from his eyes.

"Did you hear me?" she asked, confused.

"Yeah, I heard you. Thank God," he breathed.

Her chin lifted in challenge. "I'm not having an abortion."

Drawing back he peered down at her, frowning. "I never said anything about an abortion. I never even thought it." He raked a hand through his hair. "I'm just glad you're healthy."

She was speechless. Ever since she'd taken the test and seen those little pink lines, Janessa had been preparing for Dean's reaction. None of her scenarios ended with his easy acceptance.

Janessa took a deep breath. "You're in shock."

"A little, yeah, maybe," he nodded, smiling.

When he reached for her, she stepped back. "You need time to process."

He didn't argue. "How long have you known?"

She stiffened, preparing to defend her silence on the matter. "Almost a month."

He swallowed and gave a slow nod. "I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this on your own."

She pounced, defensive. "This is a baby and it hasn't been that bad."

"I didn't mean it like that. Of course, it's a baby." He frowned. "Why did you tell Wilder?"

"I didn't tell him. He was outside when I took out the test to the trash. I made him promise not to tell anyone and he hasn't."

"Guess that was decent of him." His eyes met hers. "When were you going to tell me?"

The truth tumbled out. "I don't know."

His gaze flickered intently. "You were going to tell me, right?"

"I think so." She winced, her heart aching at the pain in his eyes. "But part of me thought it might be better if you didn't find out."

He blinked, stunned. "You don't mean that."

"You've got a full scholarship, Dean. Knocking up your high school girlfriend doesn't fit into your plans—or your parents."

"Plans change—"

"Yeah," she said, cutting him off. "Like what you're going to eat for dinner or what shirt you're going to wear. You've been planning on going to college since freshman year."

He drew a deep, steadying breath. "I can still go to college, and my parents aren't an issue."

"They'd never let you give up your dream," she insisted, silently begging him to understand. "And you shouldn't have to."

Dean's brow furrowed like he couldn't believe what she was saying. "I love them, but I'm eighteen, and I'll make decisions about my life. They love me and they'll accept that."

She couldn't believe how naïve he was. "I doubt your parents will be any more accepting than mine."

He frowned. "What do your parents think you should do?"

"I haven't told them, but I know they'll want me to have an abortion." Her hand moved protectively over her belly.

His hand slid down his jaw. "Then I understand why you haven't told them." Dean's hands cupped her face. "Baby, we can work this out. I love you. Everything's going to be ok."

She hadn't realized how much she longed to hear those words from him. "Dean, I love you. So much. I won't let you sacrifice everything for me."

"Janessa—"

She held up her hand, stopping whatever he meant to say. "Once you've thought it through, you'll understand I'm right."

"Baby, please."

"No," she cried, desperate. "If you really love me, you won't say things you don't mean."

Tears shimmered in her eyes. Having him say what her heart longed to hear only to have him change his mind once he was thinking clearly would crush her. She couldn't bear it. "I'm begging you."

"Whatever you say, just don't cry, please."

A moment slipped by, then another. Satisfied he was done with the empty promises, she began to relax.

Dean wasn't sure what to do. He'd never felt more helpless. Finally, he pulled her into her arms and she wept against his chest.