To, Ashtray ps. i love you

chapter 12

ALEXANDERS POV

it had been a couple days since the drug deal thing. I couldnt get out of bed. I felt disgusting. I couldnt even fucking look at myself anymore. I felt like all my happiness was gone. It just left as soon as the guy put his hands on me. I didnt know what to do. I felt like shit. I had a shower and things. I couldnt eat though. My whole body just felt wrong.

I didnt know what i was doing nor did i care. I didn't feel like myself. I had no idea what was going on or what was happening to me. I was lying in bed until i heard on my door.

Alex- "who is it?"

Ash- "ash"

He walks in slowly and i lift my head up abit just too see him.

Ash- "hey, how u feeling?"

Alex- "im fine"

Ash- "ma i know ur lying maddy said u havent ate for days."

Alex- "ash im fine dont worry"

Ash- "alex, i care about you and it is wierd and shi. So can u please get up so we can go get some ice cream or sum shi"

I nod slowly and he helps me get up. We walk out of my room and i had decent clothes on and i slid on my sliders. We walked into his car and started driving. I had the aux on and we were listening to some lil peep. I always relate to him no matter what and i fucking love it.

We made it to the beach out of all places. We got out the car and we headed to this little ice cream place.

We got got our ice creams and sat on a little bench in the sand.

Ash- "angel, i gotta tell u smth"

Alex- "okay, what is it?"

Ash- "well, yk the guy that uhm yk"

Alex- "mhm"

Ash- "lets just say, hes not gonna go near u again"

Alex- "wtf did u do?"

Ash- "what needed to be done"

Alex- "but you could get in trouble"

Ash- "its all covered ma dw"

I nod and we just sit and eat our ice creams. For some reason, i felt safe with ash. I dont know what it is but he just makes life seem worth living? I dont know. Im just scared. I have never had feelings for boys like that. Mental shit this.

After the ice cream we take a walk along the beach and just have a good time. I know i needed it. And ash knew it too. He knew how i was feeling and how my life got fucked over. He knew that i needed a day to process everything. And today was that day. He helped me let loose and try to get over it. Ash made me feel safe. And at home. And i didnt know it yet. I dont think he felt the same. I hoped he did. He is the best.

ASHS POV:

i felt bad for my alex. She didn't deserve this. I was trynna protect her from all this and i couldn't even do that. She had a fucked up experience because of me. I dont want her involved in the business because shes an angel. She doesnt have a bad bone in her body. She is always being kind and doesnt hate many people. What she doesnt know is. I really like her. Nobody knows. Ion know how to express them feelings because i only love my grandma and fez. I didnt grow up normally. I didnt get to have my first relationship, first love or any of that shi. I wasn't a normal child. I hid my feelings, i didn't tell anybody how my life was. I always had one face expression.

But, i met alex. She showed me what being a normal teenager felt like. And i will never forget that for the world. And i will protect her with my life. I dont care. And i know, she isnt mine. But that will be soon. I know it. She will be mine.

Me and her were walking along the beach just holding hands and smiling. We took photos (she did i got forced). She looked very happy and i was glad. I wanted her to feel like this all the time. She made me this happy and i will do the same thing as long as i can.

We got back in the car and i drove to her house. She had her music on while i focused on driving. She sang her heart out which made me laugh alot. I didnt think she could sing.

We made it back to hers and before she got out the car she spoke.

Alex- "thank you for today, it meant everything to me"

Ash- "anytime, now go in and get some rest"

She nods and i kiss her cheek. She gets out the car and looks back at me again and smiles big. Im glad i made her happy. She is amazing. I wish she knew how i felt.

I drove home and walked in and fez was looking at me like i just killed somebody.

Fez- "ash dude, we gotta talk man"

Ash- "what up?"

Fez- "right, yk that girl that wears no clothes. Custers girl?"

Ash- "erm yeah?"

Fez- "she pushed a man and killed hin so now she finna live here"

Ash- "what the fuck? Fuck u man"

I walked away and slammed my bedroom door. I decided to message alex since i didn't wanna speak to fez.

ANGEL❤

Hey ma, did u get home safe?

Yeah, whats up?

Nothing, im not speaking to fez so i wanted to message my other fav person.

Why u not speaking to your brother?

He is letting a slut stay at our crib

Hey, chill. Do u want me to come by tomorrow and hang with you?

Sounds perfect. Im going too sleep night angel get rest❤

Night ash💐
*ash💐 liked your message*

I plug my phone in to my charger and lie down in bed. I think about alex and how the fuck fez is letting this girl come into our fucking house and sleep in the same house. Fucking cunt.

I turn to the wall and close my eyes slowly. I drift into a nice dream and it felt good.