Chapter 6

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by bdeeks77

by bdeeks77

Home is where the heart is

Upon leaving my private college I went to two hospitals, Burton Upon Trent general hospital because I was throwing up for no apparent reason. The cause was never determined. Then a mental health hospital but I didn't even spend a night there, as I was very stressed. I signed myself out as I was not on a section. Then I rang the residential college and reluctantly they put me up over night in one of their houses. Then a home for the mentally disabled. This was just somewhere I could be kept for about a week until I could be moved to Chester on the 11th of July.

I stayed in a bed and breakfast and the next day I was admitted into hospital in the West Cheshire health park. Next door to the Countess were I became Barry. I stayed on Newton ward the psychiatric intensive care unit (PICU) with a high staff to patient ratio. There were up to six patients and as many staff during the day, half during the night time. After two days I was off my section and I went to visit the staff in hospital who looked after me whilst I was in the Countess and could not talk.

I went to see the ward I used to be on regularly in the hope that I would see a gorgeous young lady. I used to love to rest my eyes upon her when I was bedridden but could not catch her in work. This was before I saw my hearts desire in Grosvenor ward Rachael. Never before seeing this human work of art had I seen true beauty. From there on nothing less would do but of course I'll wait for her to come to me. I will save humanity if I have to, if only to receive her smile.

When I left Newton ward I met Helen a woman I had known since Pine lodge. I had also met her last year, when I was unable to talk and was in a wheelchair in the Countess of Chester next door.

After 10 days I moved to Carden ward and after three days I moved to Picton ward on the 25th of July 1996, I started the gymnasium here. Occasionally we would go to a private swimming pool but my broken collar bone prevented me from swimming at a reasonable length. Since my collar bone has become much stronger.

Once on Picton ward I regained contact with my friend in France, Clare and after a short while then she went into a year of intensive study. I said to her that she should concentrate on her studies and I said I would support her with letters.

Upon Clare's birthday on the 6th October 1996 I told her to stop writing to me, that year. I wrote over a hundred times, letters the size of essays, notes, and a book of poetry. I found myself in an altercation on the 28th of October. Subsequently I moved to Grosvenor ward by now my penpal had stopped writing to me.

I was starting to run out of the motivation to write and my letters became fewer. This didn't last very long as the nurses and the patients motivated me to write more. Certain patients and certain staff motivated me to write and even ended up funding my stationary bill. Certain staff tried to deter my efforts saying I should give up because Clare had stopped writing and didn't care.

Whenever I would state what I considered to be well founded information this pretty little thing who was named Rachael, would say, "How do you know"? This seriously messed with my head.

Time and time again she would ask why was I still writing to the young lady in France, Clare. I told her over and over again that I had asked her to stop. She would not accept it and just kept on pressuring me, asking 'why' and asking if I knew what had happened.

Certain patients said to me that the particular staff who had caught my eye and I would make an ideal couple and that we would deserve each other. I answered asking if they really thought she was that pretty, as a joke. The reply came to my mind and I felt it was of her,"It's not a joke" I felt that it was from Rachael.

All day she was bombarded by compliments 'you should be a model', 'I've never seen anyone as beautiful as you' and so on. I asked her if she got told she was pig ugly wouldn't she be relieved just for once in her life and she said that she would. So I told her she looked repulsive which I think made her day.

During my stay in this hospital I was given a brain scan and an EEG (electro-encephala-graph). looking at the electrical activity of the cortex region of the brain. I was also given a brain scan because the doctor was not satisfied with the previous brain scan. To measure blood flow in the brain and asses for damage.

I took time out from hospital to go and visit prospective accommodation in Manchester first a weekend then a week. I didn't feel that the place met my requirements so I tried for a flat in Chester near the race course along lower bridge street. The flat was a couple of minutes from the town centre spire. I was discharged from hospital on the 12th of February.

First of all I moved into a hostel on the outskirts of Chester in Barrowmore village, I had never lived in the middle of a village nor a city before. I did live in Nancy for a month in France, if you want to count that, it being a city. It was a new experience commuting even though Chester was a very small city. When I went to Chester I would eat out or go to the mental disorder day centre, were I'd play games, chess or pool.

Whilst in Hulm Hall in Barrowmore village I think I felt a mutual panic. Perhaps I even took the stress for her. Leading up to the exam I wrote to her mother, father and principle, I phoned the school. I soon received a rejection letter from the Guinness book of records and a rejection from my French penpal. Little did I know but my pen pal in France was in her first exam, I think it may have been in February.

I had my 20th birthday there in a hostel on the 26th of April 1977 then two days later I moved to my first flat in Linen Hall Mews.