The Proletarian of Mayfair

Chapter Nineteen

"What can replace love when it is lost?"
The Secret Journal of B.T.

Olivia flitted about the ball, her heart still racing as Lord Benjamin Twombley confronted the horrific and terrific Lady Cressida Twombley. How could she let a man go who continued to defend her despite her breaking his heart?

It almost broke her to walk away from him, yet she had to. To stay with him was to lie about all the things they said to one another. Whether they were in the heat of battle or the most joyous occasion, words were the most powerful tool a person could wield. Olivia had learned as much from her mama—a wordsmith in her own right.

Her Aunt Daphne approached her moments later as she searched for a servant carrying flutes of champagne. Perhaps she could drown her sorrows in the bubbly alcohol.

"Olivia, why did you never tell me you and Lord Twombley were courting?" Daphne placed one hand on her shoulder as Olivia finally snagged a flute and downed it in a single gulp.

"Because, Aunt Daphne, we are not courting anymore," Olivia said aloud. It was the first, and she hoped it to be the last, time she would feel her heart break as she processed the sentence. It had hurt far too much to let him go.

Perhaps another gulp of champagne would make the words easier to swallow, Olivia pondered as she eyed the trays circling the room.

"He is a wonderful match for you. I know you do not need my approval, but he is a delightful young gentleman, though quite young." Daphne searched for the young man, but she could not see the silent fight between the gentleman and his ever-oppressive mama.

"His mama spent all their money. His hope was to secure a wife that would bring enough money to provide for him." It may not have been Olivia's secret to tell, but she knew Daphne would never spread a rumour like that, not when it would hurt good and honest people.

Though Olivia could not stop the pain of their shared heartbreak from radiating through her, she knew Lord Benjamin Twombley to be a good man—the best of men. He had been put through more than she could imagine, yet she knew in her heart he would have loved her the way she deserved. Far too much had been exchanged now, however, he would have loved her the way she now deserved to be detested.

Daphne asked her a question, one Olivia did not see the relevance of. "Do you know what it took to finally gain my husband's love?" Olivia awaited the answer. She did not know there was a moment in time where Aunt Daphne and Uncle Simon did not love one another. "We had to discuss things openly and honestly. At the time, he detested the mere idea of continuing his family line. I desperately wished for nothing more than to be a mother. If I did not know why he thought that way and he did not know that I could not have been happy without a purpose in life, we never would have found compromise. That is all I ask of you. If you do not talk, there can be no reparations.

"My goal was always to see you finally figure out your place in the world. It did not matter whether it ended with marriage to a gentleman, a quiet life with a working-class man, or as a spinster. Eloise knew how much you struggled with your place in their family, which is why I offered to sponsor you. I only hope that it ends the way you wish for it to."

Olivia knew her aunt was correct. Without an attempt to make amends, the what if would linger in her mind until the day she died.

She knew there was still an abundance of love in her heart for the man who broke it. It was up to her to see if he still felt the same way.

Benjamin, however, had left. He could not stay in the ballroom. It was stifling. He could not breathe inside Number Five Bruton St, where Viscountess Bridgerton had lived since her eldest son married his wife and inhabited Bridgerton House.

Will this ever hurt any less? Ben asked himself, the stars, and all the living beings in the world.

He did not need to hear the answer to know that it would never go away. Heartbreak was like grief. It could be forgotten at times, but it would never disappear forever. Ben had lost a part of his heart forever to a girl who had pushed him away. He did not know this kind of thing could happen. How could things have changed so drastically that, instead of love, they would stay worlds apart?

How could he have believed there was such a thing as love? And how, when the thought of losing it weighed so heavily on his heart, did the idea of love bring about joy he had never felt?

Yet, when a finger tapped on his shoulder from behind, he turned around and expected to see only one person:

Olivia.

Alas, it was not. Instead, it was his own selfish mother who had tracked him down in the beautiful gardens of Number Five, Bruton Street.

"What is it you wish for, mother?" Ben could not help but snap at the very person who had made the past months ones of suffering, rather than of freedom. "Do you perhaps wish to see me miserable with a worthless title? Because that is what my life has become as of late."

"I apologize, Benjamin. First, the exorbitant spending was due to the fact that I could never and would never love my husband. I wished to see him hurt from it, because perhaps we could come to an arrangement where, at the very least, we had found some common ground." His mama's eyes flickered to the ground in shame. He knew his parents never loved one another, the same as many other high society couples. What he did not know was that she had tried. She tried her best to care, even when it proved impossible. "Then, it turned out he did not care one bit. That is when it turned into an escape.

"I needed a way to forget about the love I would never know. This world was never built for someone who longed to love another." Quite frankly, he did not know his mama knew what it meant to truly love another besides herself. It made him wonder where the innocent woman inside her had gone. "Before long, the funds dwindled due to poor investments and he passed shortly after. My reasons continued to change, from raising you to holding the place of a ton widow to spite at the man who gave me his pitiful title. However, the effect stayed the same and the money went as quickly as it came.

"I know I do not deserve forgiveness, but you do deserve an explanation. You also deserve a chance at love like I did not get once upon a time," she said as she pointed to a girl who stood off in the distance. "Do not be a fool and allow pride to come between you and the chance so few get."

Ben knew that, for the first time in a long time, his mama was correct. His pride would be worth nothing if he did not attempt with all his heart to earn Olivia's love again.

He ran to the girl he had never stopped loving in the hopes of stopping her from exiting his life altogether.

It was tonight or never. Once she departed from the ton, she would be lost to him forever.

"Olivia, I know I have screwed up desperately," Ben claimed the moment she was within earshot.

"I messed up as well, Ben," Olivia said, "and I apologize for it all."

But, instead of running toward him, she stepped into the Hastings' carriage and left him alone in the darkness of night.

She could not be gone forever.

Not when he finally figured out that he could not live without her.

Author's Note: So, who else loves the new season of Bridgerton??? It is pretty good. Seeing Colin so whipped is fantastic (this shouldn't be too much of a spoiler, but if it is, I apologize). I won't spoil anything else, mostly because I haven't even finished the four episodes Netflix dropped, but I have high hopes for the season based on their book. Apologies for the lack of an author's note in the last chapter (I was in a rush). I also thought giving Cressida a bit of a backstory that explains some things felt right for tying up the rest of the story soon. Still don't like her in the show, though, or this book. There are only four chapters left including the epilogue, so things are wrapping up quickly! Vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter. All the best, MistyRider921.