Chapter Five

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Though I was being told what I did was wrong, I felt wronged by everyone around me.I honestly didn't see why everyone of my relatives were treating me like I'd just committed a major sin. Allah knows that I didn't do anything wrong. So when baba left for work this morning and Ami invited my Aunts and uncles I felt shunned and for the first time in my life I felt worthless. Not because of what they were saying about me but what they were saying about Abu. When I finally couldn't stand it anymore I went out side to the park and walked in to the trails in the woods and finally reach my spot it was by the edge of the lake next to a tree I usually sit under and talk to myself and let out all my emotions. It's secluded and no one ever comes here ever that's why it is my spot.

"I know that I was wrong. That I am always at fault. I feel as though my hair is being pulled from my head giving me a headache so deep that my ears bang with a ringing sound. I know that I am wrong and always at fault. but what did I do? Is the question yet unanswered. What do I do when all I can say is yes Ami I am sorry. over and over hoping you'll for once leave me alone. What should I do? what do I do? I don't really know anymore. No one is there to help or come to my aid when Baba is gone. Though they are all near, All they do is point finger at the the criminal. The criminal in which is me. I wish, I wish, oh how I wish so much that that the people I hold dear don't see me as such. They say I do nothing when all they do is criticize what I do. All they do is point fingers, yell and curse me with a future promise of misery. I wish, I wish, oh how I wish so much they would see that I am just human and not a creature that comes from a far. What do I do? what do I do? when my own mother is the one pointing fingers and spilling secretes that were supposed to be kept in the dark. When she exposes my flaws and degrades my goodness. when she's the one throwing me into danger not caring of how I feel. Not giving me an ounce of respect I feel I deeply deserve. When she doesn't even see me as her own. Oh Allah tell me what do I do? I feel so lost that I'm not even sure anymore. I know that I'm not ready for what Ami is pressuring me for. I feel like I have so much to do before the time comes for me to get married. So many people to help and meet, so many places to be. So why I'm I getting pressured to accept a fate I'm not sure is my own." I finally whispered the last part with unnecessary tears streaming down my face as I looked up to the sky for guidance.

"Oh Allah, I know that I complain to you so much, but I am honestly lost and I need your guidance. Oh Ar-Razzaq I beg of you to show me the path were my true Happiness lies. If not in this Dunya then help me be among the believes who find happiness the afterlife near you." I asked out in the open finally realizing that what if Allah was testing me with my patients and perseverance.
In Islam there is no such thing as forced marriages, it's very unconstitutional and I'm sure everyone will realize that if I say no it's no. And no one can force me into anything I don't want ami is just using this as an excuse to make me feel guilty. She's always said that she'll love for me to marry a rich Indian guy that comes from a good family, but here's the thing I'm not even fully Indian so why would she care where the person I am going to marry comes from as long as he is a righteous person I don't really care if he is poor or rich, white or black, Indian or non Indian. I will marry him when I believe I'm ready for that step and when that going to be only Allah knows.
Just as I was heading back I saw someone walking with a dog looking at him closely I noticed it was Daniel. not at all feeling like going up to him and greeting him. I walked in the direction of Maria's house before noticing I left my phone at home.

"Salaam Aliekum Aziza." she greeted me when she opened the door I said my salams back to her "I was just about to call you, Hanaan and Isa so we could watch some Asian shows together. I'm home alone and I need my homies come on in."

Not long after I came Hanaan arrived Isabel however couldn't because her father was visiting and they were going to have a family dinner. The rest of us after browsing for what seem like hours we finally settled on watching a thai show called 'Autumn in my heart.' I don't know how many boxes of tissues we finish before the show ended but the trash can Mia brought was over flowing and to be honest I've never cried for a show as much as I cried for this one from being to end. It was an absolute tragic love story that got me overflowing with tears even after the show was done. Mia and Hanaan were no better. I forgot to keep track of time but it was a good thing I didn't have work today. That would have been disastrous. I used Mia's house phone to call baba to let him know I was going to stay over at Mia's house tonight. It was already late and this neighborhood wasn't really that safe. Abu understood knowing that Mia was home alone. Hanaan lived next door so when she left we got ready mixing some stuff to eat before we went to bed. I settled with a veggie wrap and Mia a chicken patty.

"so Aziza are you going to tell me who that guy was."

"What guy?" I denied knowing even though I knew what guy she was referring to

"The one from the mosque, I know for a fact he doesn't go to our school. So who is he, because he made you smile like a freaking lunatic." she teased

" I was so not smiling."

"You are so blushing" she laughed

"Mia I a so not."

"Oooh I never thought the day would come that I would see Aziza blushing. Now you got to tell me who is he? how did you guys meet? what's his name? how old is he? do I know him?.."

"Allahu Akbar slowed down he's just some guy I met at work and you most likely don't know him he just moved into town."

"Which one? when? how? is he a coworker? where did he used to live?..."

"No just a customer." I answered avoiding to answer her interrogative questioning

"oooh you naughty girl you got a thing going with a customer." she playfully teased throwing the pillow at me.

"No it's honestly not like that we just became friends and he seems like a really nice guy."

"I want to meet him." Mia demanded.

"Like hell I'll tell you who he is. You'd probably scare him with your sadistic personality."

"I am not sadist." she denied with a mock offensive look on her face.

"Mia lets face it you enjoy scaring people, you little brother thinks you turn into a blood sucking monster at midnight. Hell I can't even sleep in the dark because of you anymore. You emotionally scar people for life." I reminded her making her laugh

"You have to admit he is the most gullible fourth grader ever. Did I tell you he stayed up all night watching his door to see if I'd turn up to drink him dry." She cackled like the wicked witch of the west and literally rolled around banging her fist on the floor that was until we heard someone knocking the front door and we zipped up faster than you could say on.

"Were you expecting someone else today?" I whispered worried who in the world comes over an hour past midnight.

"No." she whispered back getting up and getting a baseball bat from the shoe closet as I got a knife from the kitchen. not trying to be a murderer or anything but you can never be too careful. and we slowly approached the door

"What do you want!" Mia yelled out one feet from the front door.

"Could you guys keep it down, I'm trying to sleep and your disrupting my dog." a very familiar voice called out. I put the knife own in the nearest counter walked past Mia and opened the door before she could stop me.

"Aziza." she called out dunking to the nearest corner because she didn't have her hijab on.

"Ziza?" the person called looking around as though to search for me not believeing that I was here

"It's okay Mia I know him and he can't see you." I explained to her

"Ziza!" he exclaimed he finally smiled with his adorable boyish grin that showed off his very straight very white teeth.

"Hey Daniel." I greeted smiling a bit breathless

"Oh my Allah that's Daniel Morton!" Mia had shouted from behind me



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