Missing Like You

SEVEN

SCOTT DONOVAN
FRIDAY JUNE 17, 2022

I end up leaving work early. I can't concentrate, not with everything going on. My boss understands. He says he hopes she turns up soon.

I get home and unlock the front door. Zeppelin charges at me and I push her down. After Isabelle and I got married, we decided it was time to extend our family and get a new addition to the household. We went to rescue shelters and scouted out dogs and puppies who didn't have homes. That's when we came across this black and brown runt. They told us that she was a Doberman, which meant nothing to me since I didn't know much about dogs. They told us that she had been born into a puppy mill and was going to be discarded since she didn't fit the mould of what the breeders wanted. It was immediately after this that Isabelle scooped up the tiny creature in her arms and announced that we'd be taking her home. We named her Zeppelin – no need for an explanation there. As soon as we got home, Isabelle put on Black Dog and Whole Lotta Love.

She's four now, but still acts like a puppy. Apparently Doberman's never really grow up, trapped in a constant state of infancy, which is ironic, given her size. Zeppelin is huge. It was not what I was expecting, given how small she was at the shelter. But after that, her growth was exponential. Now she's as big as me when she stands on her hind legs.

We were warned when we got her that Doberman's can be aggressive and temperamental. I didn't think we'd actually have to experience any issues with Zeppelin, but I was wrong. They told us before we brought her home that we'd have to really put the time and effort into training her or it could result in her getting aggressive and hurting someone. She's good with us, but she's very protective, that's all. And she hates other dogs. I attest this to Only Child Syndrome. But she's just a giant baby. A giant baby who could rip your throat out if she wanted to.

I think one of the hardest parts of the separation was deciding who would get Zeppelin. We debated splitting custody, like a child, but ultimately decided it would be best for everyone – especially Zeppelin – if she stayed here in the house with me.

I offered the house to Isabelle, countless times. After everything that happened, it was the least I could do. But she didn't want it. She wanted to move out from here and find a place of her own. She said something once about being trapped with bad memories. I guess I can't really blame her. Although Zeppelin is here, and I know Isabelle probably misses her more than anything.

I take Zeppelin into the backyard with me to sit under the gazebo and end up staring at the fence. There's not much else to stare at. Iz and I wanted to get a pool. Not sure why we hadn't yet. Maybe I'll do that this summer. Get a pool. A pool would be nice.

I take in a breath and stretch my neck. We should have done more together, Iz and I. Everything was constantly, one day, or, we'll do it soon. But that can only be said for so long. And then you reach a point like right now where you look back on your life and wish you did more. Out of fear that it's too late. We're just waiting for the right time. That's what she said about having kids.

Isabelle always wanted to have children. Ever since she was eighteen, all she talked about was growing up and starting a family. She wanted two: one boy, one girl. Even picked out names and everything. When we had a girl, we'd named her Skylar. When we had a boy, we'd name him Ethan. Our kids would be cute. They'd have Isabelle's red hair and green eyes. Our boy would grow up and be tall, like me. The girl would be petite and dainty, like Iz. We'd go on family vacations and treat them to whatever they wanted. Iz would attempt to be a strict mom, but we both knew she'd spoil them.

Isabelle is an only child. That's why she wanted two kids, so they could be friends and keep each other company. She always told me how lonely she was growing up. All she wanted was a sister. Her mother had two miscarriages before Iz was born. Third times a charm, they said. And so after Iz, that was it. No more kids.