Missing Like You

THIRTY-SIX

ISABELLE DONOVAN
FRIDAY JUNE 24, 2022

Something shifts between us after that. I'm not sure when the shift began happening, but it's definitely apparent now. Maybe it was that night in the forest, when he told me, in Russian, that I was beautiful. Maybe it was when we sat on the couch together, laughing and making jokes about things that don't matter. Or maybe it was tonight, sitting at the table across from him, all the weight in the world between us.

I don't know what it is about him, but he doesn't scare me anymore. Even on that first morning I woke up here and didn't know the circumstances, I instinctively felt this connection to him, as though I could trust him.

Maybe I'm just being naïve. Maybe I'm just being fooled by his blue eyes and enticing smiling. You shouldn't trust someone just because you're attracted to them, I should know that better than anyone. We're taught this growing up. Don't talk to strangers – even if they are extremely good-looking! I know I need to change my mode of thinking and start being more fearful of him, not open myself willingly, giving out trust to someone who doesn't deserve it. But for some reason, I can't do it. My brain is telling me the opposite.

We clear the table and I help him wash the dishes. This is a first. After we've dried and put everything away, I take a gamble and ask if we can go for a walk outside. He seems skeptical at first, but eventually allows it.

In similar fashion as the last time, we walk through the forest, arms linked together. He holds me a bit too tightly, and I wonder if he has the gun on him or not.

"It's Friday night," I remark. I look up at the sky and notice it has turned a dark shade of purple now that the sun has set. It's been such a long day, and I feel an immense reprieve at having not only human contact, but contact with the outdoors after being left alone all day.
"It is," he says, and we keep walking. "What does a usual Friday night entail for you?"
"Nothing too exciting. I stay in most of the time. I'm either reading or watching a movie or something. Lately I've been trying to get in the habit of baking more."
"What do you bake?"
"Cookies and brownies, mostly. Sometimes cupcakes."
"You don't go out at all?"
"I used to, when I was younger."
"You say that as if you're so old."
"I am," I laugh.
"You're twenty-seven. I'd hardly call that old."
"Still. A Friday night doesn't have the same connotation at twenty-seven that it once did at twenty-one."
"Fair."
"Do you go out?" I counter.
He laughs. "No. Too old for that."
"Did you used to?"
"Occasionally."
"So how do you spend your Friday nights now? When you're not walking your captive's through the forest, that is."
He ignores my attempt at light-hearted humor. "I have a few hobbies."
"Care to elaborate?"
"Not particularly."
It's quiet again and the air between us has shifted.
"I build sometimes," he says, as if trying to remedy this. I guess he sensed what I was feeling.
"What do you build?"
"Anything. I like working with my hands. My father was a craftsman and got me into it when I was young."
"Neat."
"Do you have many other hobbies? Other than baking."
"Not really, no. I'm a pretty boring person."
"I would tend to disagree."
I hear something rustling in the bushes. We both come to a halt and wait as we listen carefully, watching the bush.
A moment later, a small doe appears. It's so tiny, just a baby. My heart lights up at its presence and evokes some sort of emotion from deep inside of me.
Neither one of us move as we stare at the deer. At first she doesn't see us. But then after another moment, her head turns in our direction and we lock eyes. I smile involuntarily and feel the urge to move towards her. I feel JD grasp my arm tighter. No one says a word.
Just as fast as she appeared, she is gone again, taking off further into the words. I look up at JD. "She was beautiful."
"She was."
"Do you see that sort of thing often around here?"
"Sometimes."
I smile to myself, and we begin to walk again. Just as we're getting back into our pace, my foot meets with a rock and I stumble forwards, my arm instantly released from his. I guess he wasn't holding as tight as he thought.
It all happens so fast. I don't hesitate. Once I'm free from his grasp, I look up at him, we meet eyes for a millisecond, and then I'm off and running, just like the deer.