The Survivor (Book #2)

Chapter 20

I realized that I was still frozen with my hands locked together by my face, and my legs spread apart. My eyes were shut and even my mouth felt incapable of moving. I waited.

Suddenly my eye opened. I realized I had been trying to open it the entire time, but it was locked by an unseen force. After a moment, my mouth twitched, and I realized I could control it again. I croaked out a "hello?" and knew that I could speak. Nobody answered. 

After a minute more my fingers fell limply to the bed and my wrists separated as if the single handcuff that held them together was unlocked. Soon my arms could move, and then my legs, and finally my torso found the strength to stand. I got to my feet shakily, like it was my first time standing. I brushed my hair out of my face and walked down the stairs to my family.

"Maya! There you are! Liam said you weren't feeling well?" Charlotte asked, grabbing my arm. I thought about telling her I needed to escape, but at that moment, her mom walked over and brazenly announced that Charlotte had made the pecan pie with a tablespoon too little butter. Charlotte replied that the pecan pie was store-bought and her mom gasped, giving me the perfect chance to walk away.

I went into the kitchen, due to most people being in the dining room still, and saw little Ezekiel sitting on the counter. Dominic was with him, cutting up pumpkin pie slices and letting Zeke spray the whipped cream on top before setting them on the counter.

Zeke gave me a little wave when he noticed melooking and I gave him a little smile and wave back. He giggled at this,alerting Dominic to my presence. 

"Pie, My?" Dom rhymed, holding out a plate and making Zeke laugh all over again. He tousled the kid's hair affectionately but stopped when he noticed my expression.

"You okay?" he asked, suddenly serious.

I nodded and he bit his lip as if he wasn't sure how to react to what he was seeing. Zeke tugged on his sleeve to get his attention and I decided to slip out of the room and towards the glass sliding door as unnoticeably as I could. I knew it wasn't smart to separate myself from everyone, but what choice did I have? I couldn't sit in there and laugh and talk and pretend I wasn't the monster that I knew I was. 

You thought you could be loved? You thought they'd forget everything you've done? They won't... They wouldn't want to. You're disgusting.

I shook my head to clear my cruel words from my mind and walked out to the pool. It was getting dark outside by the pool was lit up a light blue. I stepped to the edge and looked down at the calm water. How do I jump in and drown? 

I took a deep breath and began pulling my shoes and socks off, throwing them onto the grass behind me. They must have made a sound but if they did, I didn't hear it. I sat on the concrete edge and plunged my feet into the water as I settled into place.

It wasn't as cold as I thought it would be. I would've guessed it felt like ice, but it didn't feel like anything at all. I watched the ripples emanate from my calves and I wished I could stop them. I would brush a hand along the surface of the pool and smooth the water into complete stillness. I could slip my whole body gently in and never come back up, never have to feel anything again.

I thought of a word for the pain; unconquerable. There was no way to beat it, no way to win. Charlotte's voice was in my head, telling me to look at how far I've come, but it was easily suppressed.

Suddenly, the plants beyond the edge of the pool rustled and shook a little. Odd. I didn't feel a breeze. I glanced at them, waiting for more movement but they were still.

"Hello?" I called out, pulling my feet out hesitantly from the water. The only thing stronger than this pain was the instinct to stay alive.

My body jumped as I heard the sliding glass door slam behind me, and I whipped around to see who was coming. My body relaxed and I dipped my legs back into the water after I saw who it was. My legs shook a little at the coldness and I realized the water had gotten frigid. 

Dominic leaned his head down and jogged over to me, huffing out little breaths and rubbing his arms.

"It's cold out here, My!" he complained as he walked up. I shrugged my shoulders, not caring if he noticed my response or not.

He came closer and I could feel his presence directly behind me as he looked down at my feet in the pool. I wiggled them a little, for fun. I'm not going to take them out, I thought. Not even if you ask, Dominic.

His breathing was slow, and I felt a twinge of curiosity, before chastising myself. It doesn't matter what he's thinking. If you face him, he might see what you've been thinking.

I'm not thinking anything, I answered myself. And it was true in a way. I felt both numb and overwhelmed, thoughtful and empty, alive and dead.

 Abruptly, Dominic dropped to the edge of the pool beside me and began untying his shoes. He pinched one lace and tugged it forcefully, pulling apart the bunny ears before yanking his shoe off and placing it beside him. Maybe I should have done that instead of throwing mine.

"Dominic..." I muttered uncertainly.