ISSUES II outer banks

Heywards

"Your real family, the pogues."

❥

In moments like these, when JJ and I fight or he's angry at me, I wish I could talk to a friend. I'm not even sure if we're still together according to what he's said. Whenever I wasn't sure about something, I've been talking to the others. It depends on the topic. 

Right now, I don't feel like I could talk to Kie about it. First, she's only accepted the situation between JJ and I and is still not a fan of it. Second, she's doing her own thing smoking weed all day and doesn't want to be interrupted with things that annoy her right now. I mean, Pope has told me about their boat trip and her artwork on the Cameron's wall. And third, if she found out that I met Rafe and Topper, she would freak out as well. 

In moments like these, I used to talk to Sarah or John B. Sarah has always helped me by telling me that I shouldn't worry about a boy because I'm good enough without one. We used to go to the club for drinks afterwards and have fun. 

When I was at John B's, he always asked me whenever something happened. He knew when I was angry or sad even when I tried to act like I was alright. He would first make jokes but then give me a hug and tell me that it'll be alright again. He would also make a little joke about I could still be with him as this was way before him and Sarah were dating. I would laugh and we would go surfing. Sarah and John B.. what if we had never tried to find the gold? 

"What are you worrying about?", Pope asks me when he enters his dad's shop where I'm waiting for him. Pope and I were mainly talking to each other when I needed someone who is serious and when he needed someone who would cheer him up in a playful way. 

"Isabella, are you alright?", Heyward follows his son and gives me his hand which I gratefully take. "I'm doing fine regarding the circumstances. How about you?" "We're holding together", he replies and gives me one of my favorite chocolate bars as always, "You're always welcome here, Isabella." 

Heyward always gives me that chocolate bar ever since I came here when I was ten years old to buy one but forgot to bring any money. Although they're not wealthy and working hard for what they have, he's given me one every time I come by. For this, I sometimes bring cake to the shop which I made at home. 

"Thank you, Hewyard. I'll try to come by more often in the future", I tell him with a smile, „I hope it's fine that I kidnap your son for a few hours." „As long as you bring him back alive", he chuckles and Pope and I leave to go to the beach and sit down there.

❥

"How are you doing?", I ask Pope cautiously knowing that he's trying to do what's best and work on our school work but I don't forget that he's got feelings as well even if he doesn't show them as much as we do. "Kie tried to kiss me", he admits, "I'm.. I've got no idea what I should think about it. She's making it hard for me." 

"What did you do?" "She was high. I stopped her when she tried it. I.. Honestly? I don't think I deserve these games. One moment she tries to kiss me and the next moment she tries to ignorie my feelings as much as possible. I always put back and make it about her.. when is it about me?" 

"Oh, Pope", I whisper and hug him from the side when he lays his head on my shoulder, "You're right. You deserve to know what she feels for you. You deserve someone has the same feelings for you like you have for her." 

"Thanks, Iz. It's good to hear that for once. I never talk about it usually, only to you." "I know but that's what you shouldn't do. Talk to us whenever you want to. Don't put back as much as you do, Pope. We're all here for you." 

"What about JJ and you?", Pope changes the topic quickly knowing that I was right but he still needs time to change that one aspect, "I've seen the look on your face as soon as I've met you at my dad's shop earlier." "Promise me that you won't kill me?" "I would be stuck with JJ and Kie then so I won't", Pope jokes making me laugh for the first time since the four of us are alone.

"I've visited Rafe", I admit breathing out heavily, "It's not what you think, I would never justify what he's done. As hard as it is, I have to admit that I loved him once. After you beat him up, I needed to see if he's alright. I also met Topper. After all, he's lost Sarah, too, and him and I are still friends." "I get that, Iz. I mean, it's hard for a Pogue to hear that, but I also understand you. So what's so bad about it?" 

"JJ found out. Actually, I wanted to visit him at the club but Kelce, Topper and Kim were also there talking about John B. Topper was actually trying to calm them down but of course, JJ and Kelce had to discuss. Kelce mentioned my visit at Figure Eight and JJ freaked out and lost his job." "He'll understand it, Iz-" 

"He didn't even let me explain it. He said he's done with my bullshit and that he's not going to be a compensation for my daddy issues because I'm running around between him, John B, Rafe and Topper." "That's harsh", Pope comments slowly furling his eyebrows, "Why would he say that?" 

"You know JJ.. He's afraid not to be enough for me whenever I talk to someone else. He'll probably be angry about us meeting as well", I mutter, "He's actually hurt me when he mentioned my dad. I've tried to do everything that he expected from me, then I did the exact opposite which he hates me for. I feel like this family is about to break and me dating JJ will be its final strike." "You don't have to tell your dad, Iz. Don't worry about it. They're not supposed to find out every detail about your life." 

"Christian and Anna know about it already. At first, they were really supportive. But now.. I'm afraid that they will tell my dad and that he'll be even more disappointed in me. I don't get why he can't be happy for me for once. He made me come here, I tried to adapt myself, I'm working hard for good grades to make him proud. And still, he doesn't answer my calls, prefers golfing over talking to his daughter and makes me feel guilty whenever his plan isn't working. I just.. I can't be like him. He may have become a kook but I'll always be a pogue. Now, I'm not only afraid of losing JJ, but also of losing my family. JJ broke up with me already-"

"When?" "I mean.. He said he's done with my bullshit.." "He didn't mean it like that, seriously", Pope reassures me quickly, "He loves you, Iz. He was angry, he would never say those words to break up with you like that. Talk to him." 

"Are you sure?" "Yes. And about your dad.. There's not a lot that you can do but.. make the decisions that help you, not him. If you lose him, you've still got us, your real family, the pogues." "You're the best, P."