ISSUES II outer banks

sad souls

"Someone who you can build with, not chill with."

❥

"Iz, wait up", JJ yells after me when we are walking back to the chateau. Kie and Pope are in front of us as I walk behind them and JJ behind me. "We need to talk." "Are you going to sort this out now, or what?", Kie asks from a few meters away. "Come on, let's go there and prepare everything", Pope tells her instead so I stop walking and look at JJ. 

"What about, JJ? Wasn't it pretty clear?", I reply rather annoyed because if I get soft again, this conversation could only hurt me so I have to tell myself that it doesn't matter to me. "What.. did you.. did you break up with me?", JJ suddenly asks quietly, his voice is shaking. 

"Of course I didn't but you did. Or what else does ‚I'm done with your bullshit mean?" "I.. Iz.. Shit, I didn't mean it like that. You met Rafe behind my back.. Why?!" "I wanted to check up on him after Pope beat him up." "I don't get it, Iz. You wanted to check up on your ex who not only hit you but also killed Sheriff Peterkin in front of you? You still want to see him?!" 

"I don't want to see him", I say underlining the third word knowing that he might understand it differently, "I needed to check up on him. Pope could have injured him badly. Just because he did what he did doesn't mean that he should be hurt. That's what a court is here for." 

"You mean a court and someone like Shoupe who doesn't do his job right?", JJ scoffs. "It's none of our fault that he's failing. We have to keep fighting for John B but we shouldn't fight with each other, J", I sigh frustrated. "What is happening with us, Iz?", JJ suddenly asks giving me a sad look. 

"I don't know, J. We.. we were fine. We were strong together. But whenever Rafe or Topper are just in the same spot as the pogues, you freak out. If we want this to work, you have to accept this part of me. I'm a complete pogue, but I live on Figure Eight and and I've got friends there. You knew that when you asked me out." 

JJ immediately rolled his eyes when I mentioned my friends. Well, it's only Topper anymore although I can't let go off Rafe completely. "I don't know if I can", he suddenly whispers making me gasp. We're dating for months and suddenly he realizes that he would have to accept this part of me? 

"You don't know what exactly? If you can accept my friends, the place where I live, or just me?" "Iz, you forget that we're from completely different worlds. You wouldn't even have to work your whole life while I couldn't even work enough to afford any of that." 

"So it's about money? It's all about money? Money that my parents have which is not even mine? JJ, are you breaking up with me because of that?", I whisper my voice already shaking again. "I'm not breaking up with you, I.. I don't know. This is not going to have a bright future." Now I scoff ironically, "So you talk about how this is not going to happen but at the same time you're just too scared to do what you think about?" 

"I don't want to lose you, Iz." "Not want to lose me", I laugh ironically. "What does that mean?", JJ asks really looking afraid. "It means that I don't want to deal with you right now", I tell him honestly because I'm also too afraid to break up, "But just to let you know.. The more you avoid to accept me as I am, the more you push me into the kook's arms."

❥

"Have you like.. settled your disagreements?", Pope asks cautiously when JJ and I come back but I shrug my shoulders. "Took a break", I mumble. "What, a break?", JJ snaps at me understanding it differently. "I mean we take a break from fighting." 

"So not breaking up?", Kie asks raising her eyebrow. "No." "But you're also not fine?" "No, not really fine. Guys, I'm sorry but I need a break from this.. I'm exhausted", I mumble and Pope nods giving me an understanding look. "Take a rest, Iz. We'll call you later." "Wait, where are you going? To Rafe?", JJ questions me but I ignore him and leave.

❥

"Bella, I didn't expect you to be here so early", Topper greets me happily, "This is the second time in a week that you come around. You could also move in you know." "Top", I laugh with him knowing that I haven't seen him a lot in comparison to the past weeks but I'm also glad that he's just joking about it and not angry anymore. 

"I can see that something happened. What's wrong?", Topper quickly asks me looking seriously worried and giving me a glass of water. "It's nothing", I shrug trying to act normal but he didn't believe me so I sigh, "JJ and I had a fight." "Again?" 

"It's more like the same fight that we've had a few days ago at the club. We wanted to settle it earlier but.." "What is it, Bella?" "Maybe it's better if we don't settle it at all", I whisper, my voice is shaking. This is the first time that I've said it and not only thought about it and the thought of JJ and me breaking up makes me nervous. 

"I'm sorry that you have to worry about it but it's probably the best. JJ is not mature enough to be in a serious relationship, especially not with someone like you. You're too independant for him. JJ is a guy who needs you but doesn't give you back what you need, Bella." 

"Who would even do that?", I sigh frustratedly about the fact that I'm starting to believe that Topper is right. As soon as I want to do something on my own or something that JJ doesn't like it, we end up discussing. 

"Honestly, I'm not even mentioning Rafe anymore. I haven't heard of him anyways. But when all of these problems are over, we could go out together and have some fun again. Maybe we could find a someone for each other." I chuckle imagining Topper and I running from club to club again and have fun finally. But for that, we would first have to solve our issues.