Photograph (Elizabeth Olsen Fanfic)

Chapter 63

I woke up pretty early today which was a surprise to me considering I was drunk last night. Fortunately, my head feels fine thanks to that egg toast and that amazing sex we had last night. It really did the the trick.So now, I've been staring at the love of my life for quite sometime just watching her sleep. I haven't got alcohol in my system anymore but she still looks absolutely stunning even with no make up and her hair is all over the place.

I love how her skin glows as light hits it and how her brows furrow with that little cute pouty lips of hers and when she sleeps she would always have her arms tucked in under her head which is the cutest thing. She looks so serious when she sleeps. I also love that she's still wearing my grandma's ring on her finger and how she wouldn't take it off.

Talking about the ring. The real reason why I was teasing her about taking it off is because I just realize maybe I was really going way too fast with everything. A part of myself want to believe that she really is ready to
commit again and that she wore the ring because she decides to be stuck with me forever. But the other part of me thinks that maybe the reason why she wore the ring is because she didn't want to hurt me and she's really not ready to commit like I just put that on her head and now she's just going with it which is very unfair for her.

I really don't want to force anything because it wouldn't be genuine love if that is. I haven't really put it much in mind because I was over the moon when she decides to wear it but coming back to where it all started. She said that she can't do this if I didn't try hard enough to get better and I understand that. I'm still not better though and she already wore the ring so its really giving me mixed up signals and I can't help bit think if she just did it at a heat of the moment kind of thing.

I'm not complaining about it, no I'm not. I gave her that ring and its for her really but I really wish and I just hope that what I'm feeling and what I'm thinking is just wrong because I wouldn't know what I would do If I was right.

Her sudden movement snaps me out of my thoughts as she moves closer to me and snuggles on my neck.I take her in my arms and pull her closer placing a soft kiss on top of her head and start stroking her hair.

"You awake?" She whispers against my neck which startled me a little because I though she was asleep this whole time.

"Yea"

"What time is it?"

"Its already eight I think. Its too early go back to sleep." She hums in response moving her her hand and rest it on the side of my neck. I smile as I felt her breathing steady in my arms because that just tells me she's in peace and that is precious to me, like I want to stay like this forever but I can't help to think otherwise.

I know I shouldn't be thinking that way in the first place. In fact, I should be thinking about our dinner with the twins later on or what will my friends and I do tomorrow since she has an interview to go to, things like that. Just a normal person on a daily basis. But instead, I worry about things that doesn't even give me validation for the possibility for something to happen. I'm surprised myself I even got through with my mom's cancer because I've been through hell trying to control my emotions building up inside me all through it.

Like I said I'm not getting better, I've accommodated the medication that Elizabeth is giving me but I don't really think they work. My CBD dosage has increased, I constantly feel like I'm going to pass out any time of the day because I feel so tired. I just don't get it noticed by Elizabeth because the moment I have another breakdown, I doubt it she would ever want to continue our relationship and that would literally kill me off on the spot. I'm trying my hardest though to distract myself from it. But that's the thing though, you get distracted from that feeling and your thoughts but when the distraction is gone, it would still be there and it never really went away.